Forever
I sat there staring at the paper in my hands while rain tapped softly against the windows. Rain was comforting for me, I loved it. I read the letter over and over again. It was crazy because, even though I thought that the shit was a lil creepy, I didn’t thinkI wanted it to end. I almost felt bad for wondering when the next letter was coming.
9 /FOREVER
I satin my office staring at my laptop, but honestly, I hadn’t processed a single thing on the screen in the last twenty minutes. My mind was everywhere. Between upcoming conferences, work deadlines, staff schedules, and trying to balance being a mom on top of all of that, I just feel exhausted. Completely drained. I had notes all over my desk and didn’t even have the chance work on any of those tasks. My planner was full with reminders. My emails kept going off every five minutes. I needed a break, and I decided to just sit here for a minute.
Jaz and I were supposed to go to dinner tonight, but I honestly didn’t think I had the energy. Something just felt off, and it felt like my body had done a shift. I rubbed my hand over my face before grabbing my phone and texting her.
Me: Friend, I think I’ma stay in tonight. I don’t really feel good.
Seconds later my phone started ringing.
“Hey,” I greeted, placing the call on hold.
“Girl, what’s wrong?” Jaz questioned.
“I don’t know. I’m just starting to feel really exhausted, dizzy, and nauseated,” I told her.
“You been overworking yourself again.”
“Maybe.” I sighed.
“Well, cancel all that overthinking shit tonight,” Jaz said. “Go home, take a bath, eat something, and relax. And stop stressing yourself out. You know what? I’m coming to pick you up. Pack it up; you’re going home for the day. You can leave the car at your job.” Jaz let out all in one breath, and I knew she meant business.
As crazy as my friend was, she always had my best interest at heart. She would drop everything for me and Hanii.
“You carry too much by yourself, and we gotta figure this shit out.”
Her words sat with me, and everything she was saying was right. She told me she was on her way, and I sent my manager a message, letting him know I was leaving for the day. I sat back and just relaxed for a moment. I opened my desk drawer, and my notebook was sitting right there on top. Without even thinking, I instantly pulled it out. Somehow writing Legacy was one thing that calmed my mind. It gave me this serene peace.
About thirty minutes later, Jaz had texted me saying that she was outside. I grabbed my things and left out. I might even take tomorrow off just so that I can rest. Kasia is going to bring my car to me when she gets off. She said Nina dropped her off today because she needed to use her car. So, that worked out. Jaz went by Five Guys and got us some lunch before we headed to my house. She already had her overnight bag, so she had no plans on going back home. Knowing her, she will be there for a while. Jaz and I finally made it back to the house, and the second she pulled into the driveway, I frowned seeing a box sitting on my porch.
“What the hell is that? I didn’t order anything.” I was confused as hell, but maybe I did order something and forgot.
We grabbed our things, went into the house and headed straight to the living room. I dropped my purse onto the couchand started for the kitchen but got a little bit dizzy so I took a seat while Jaz grabbed the box and was reading the mailing label. Her ass looked over and instantly started grinning suspiciously.
“Ohhh, this is it,” she said, shaking the box in excitement and quickly opened it..
“An ancestry kit? What the hell is that for?” I asked her.
“Fev. Remember last week when I told you that I did one to see if I got some Indian in my family? ’Cause you know I wanna have a lil’ Indian in me. I think that’s where my baby hairs come from.”
I instantly burst out laughing because, girl what!
“But anywho,” she continued, waving me off. “We talked about you and everything you been through. Remember I said you should try it.”
My smile slowly faded as I looked back down at the box.
Honestly… I didn’t know how to feel about that shit.
My mother gave me away and left me out here to figure life out on my own. After that, it was foster home after foster home. The woman who originally took me in passed away when I was three years old, and after that, life became one long cycle of temporary homes and terrible people. Some of those places were pure hell. Ms. Brenda took me in when I was thirteen, and I stayed there until I turned eighteen, but even she was mean as hell to me. We barely even spoke now.
“Jaz, I don’t know. Maybe I should just leave well enough alone. I don’t wanna open wounds that’ll hurt me all over again. I finally found peace with a lot of that.”
Her face softened instantly.
“I know, babe. But think about Hanii. Think about the bigger picture in all of this.”
