Except that’s a bit complicated. Our beds happen to be together. We’ve slept side-by-side the last few nights, but that was all before I kissed him.
“So, is this awkward? Us going back to the same apartment?” I ask when we’re standing outside the back door to the store.
“Do you want me to go somewhere else? I can find a place to sleep tonight if you need space.”
“That’s not it.” His face tells me he’s not convinced. My heart races as I lean in, still nervous in this situation. The second our lips meet, I relax. There’s something about kissing Nix that’s both calming and enticing. Nix moans against my lips, and what little bit of control I was holding onto snaps.
I wrap my arms around him and pull him as close as physically possible. When he tentatively licks along the seam of my lips, I happily open to him. For a second, I let Nix have full control, guiding me and showing me exactly how he wants to be kissed.
Once I have a handle on him, I turn us and back him up against the wall. As soon as we bump against the building, I take over. I’ve never kissed a guy before—well, except for earlier today. It’s different, which I guess is obvious, but not as much as I expected.
Nix’s stubble rubs against my skin. The feeling is surprisingly nice as I chase after him, dying for more. I lean in, pressing my erection against his hip. It happens before I can think about it. As soon as I realize what I’m doing, I start to pull away. Nix must know what I’m doing, because he grabs my waist and holds me in place.
Through his slacks, I can feel his hard cock pressed against my erection, pressing against his thigh. I almost pull away before he presses himself against me, his erection pressing into my leg.
I did that.
I’m weirdly proud of being able to get him hard, even if I’m not ready to do anything about it. That part might require a little bit more research. I want our first time together to be incredible,not me fumbling my way through the experience, with Nix playing tutor.
Though that’s a strangely hot fantasy right there that I might have to circle back to later.
“Hey.” Nix pulls away and puts his hands against my chest, not pushing me away, but steadying himself on me. “Are you okay? You seem…distracted.” In the darkness, it’s hard to make out his face, but I can hear the fear in his voice.
“It’s not you, I just started thinking.” Apparently loudly enough that he could hear me.
“About?”
I hesitate. I’d prefer not to confess my cluelessness to him. At least not yet.
“Chase? You can tell me anything. I promise, it won’t change anything. You’re welcome here no matter what.”
“No,” I say.
“No?”
“Not no, but no, I’m not thinking anything like what you’re imagining. I’m a little in my head about things. It’s like being a bumbling teen all over again, except this time it’s with someone who’s actually experienced, so it lacks the same dual embarrassment.”
“I get it. It’s hard being vulnerable like that. Opening yourself up to someone new, especially when things are…different. We can go as slow as you want. Honest, I won’t push you.”
“It’s not that I don’t want you, I do.” My hips seem to have a mind of their own, thrusting forward enough for him to feel exactly how true that statement was.
“I get it. Really. We’ll go slow. Spend time getting to know one another. We’ve both changed a lot. It’ll be good for us.”
“Yeah.” At least part of me believes that statement. He’s right, though. We’ve only known each other as adults for the last week. That’s not nearly enough time. What I know of him mostlycenters on his high school interests. While there are definitely places where I feel he hasn’t changed that much, there’s a lot I don’t know. A whole section of his life is missing from my recollection. Where once I could’ve recited every bit of him from memory, now we’re practically strangers.
It’s a sobering way to end the night.
Or at least the date portion of the night.
“Stay,” I say. “We’ll enjoy the night together.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want you to feel any pressure.”
“I’m sure. I’d rather have you here. Next to me.”
“Okay.” Nix leans in and gives me a chaste kiss. “Let’s get to bed.”
13
