Girlfriend just doesn’t feel right, or whole. I don’t know how to explain that to other people without sounding crazy.
Grant’s elbow connects with my side again. “Don’t get in your head about it. Just ask her to be your girlfriend when you think the time is right.”
“I can’t.”
They glance at one another before giving me a long stare. “Yes, you can.”
“No, I can’t.”
It must be easy for Grant. He’s so sure of himself, and what he’s able to provide for the people in his life, that he doesn’t second-guess. I’m sure Rosie enjoys being with me. She’s comfortable, and so far, I’ve been able to give her what she needs.
I’m not sure what her mindset is. Maybe she wants to focus on her internship, or maybe she wants to know what life is like without us living in such proximity before she fully commits. Both make sense to me. They hurt my heart to think about, but I’d respect any decision she made.
Maybe she does like the label of girlfriend. I don’t mind it. I love any version of calling Rosie mine, and me, hers. If that’s what she wanted, I’d go with it. It just doesn’t feel like the right word to represent what I feel for her. I’m not sure a word like that exists at all.
These are things we need to discuss, together, before we define to other people what we are.
“We need to have a talk first.”
Derek suddenly claps. If the constant booming of loud club music hadn’t become a norm during our conversation, I would’ve jumped. “That’s what I like to hear, dude. Full communication. Set boundaries and talk things out! Don’t just let your emotions get the best of you.” With a sharp look in his eye, Derek grabs Grant’s drink and downs it in one shot.
“Oh, sure, drink all my bourbon. No problem.”
“I need it more than you do.”
He doesn’t expand on that before chugging down whatever is left of his beer. I have a gnawing feeling that the relationship talk, and Derek’s fresh breakup, isn’t doing any good for his drinking limits tonight.
“Who’s coming to the bar with me to get more?”
Right as Grant glances at me with concerned eyes, Liliana’s voices appears over the music. “Where’s Rosie?”
Concern washes over me. I’m not sure how much time has passed by, but if Liliana has made her way back to the table and Rosalie still hasn’t returned, something must be wrong.
While telling myself not to worry—yet—I sidestep my way out of the booth, let Liliana take my seat, and motion to Derek.
“I’ll go with you.”
The walk isn’t long. It’s much more difficult navigating around intoxicated people without Rosalie leading the way, but we manage, and I keep my nerves at bay. During our walk, Derek makes a comment about how you’re supposed to cherish the people you love, not hurt them. He stumbles into someone while repeating his mantra about communication.
My chest aches. Maybe we shouldn’t have been talking about relationships with alcohol so easily accessible.
I pat his back. “You’re good now, Derek. We got you.”
There’s a mix of emotions I’m able to see through the club’s dark shadows. His face is filled with hurt, confusion, and contempt, but there’s a small glimmer of hope under it, too.
“Thanks dude, I really appreciate-” Derek’s expression shifts to full confusion, and he points towards the bar. “Does Rosie know that guy?”
Whipping my head to where he’s pointing, I see Rosalie. Standing at the bar, two drinks her hand, and her chest rising and falling quickly. Her jaw is set tight, mouth pursed, and sweat is gathering on her forehead.
Jeremiah’s smug smile is a vision that shouldn’t be cursed onto anyone in the world. Especially not my girl.
I’ve never moved so fast.
I think Derek is trying to ask me another question, but I don’t hear him. I’m walking with a speed I didn’t think was possible, probably knocking into a few patrons, but I’m too focused to apologize. I see Rosie’s hand shaking and nothing else in the world matters.
The bar lights cast a glow on her that wasn’t noticeable from a few feet away. The tears welling in her eyes are unmistakable, and my heart drops.
“You don’t know when to mind your own fucking business, and then you play victim when it gets thrown back at you? Get over yourself, princess.”
