Grant calls back, “My card is there. Put it on my tab.”
Rosalie waves his off his words and Liliana chuckles. “If she needs it. Someone could offer her a free drink, for all we know.”
“You’re not wrong.”
Everyone laughs, agreeing. I can feel the stares of our friends when Rosie gives me two quick pecks before heading to thebar. Liliana giggles behind her hand while shimmying out of the booth and going for a bathroom break.
I mess with my glasses again. Set my head on straight and tell myself I can have dude-bro convos, as Rosie calls it, with my brother and his friend. In the middle of the club.
I take Liliana’s place in the booth. Grant ends up in the middle, with me to his left. Derek is in the prime position to evade a real conversation. I wouldn’t be shocked if he did. Our short time spent together at the board game café was fun and eventually comfortable for me, but I’m not sure how he felt about it. Being in such a new setting, now without Rosalie, heightens my social anxiety.
Derek doesn’t seem to secretly hate me, though. He leans over, arm reaching past Grant, and pats a hand on my shoulder. “I’m glad you came, dude. It’s nice having another friend around.”
Friend.
I’m glad the shadows of the club mask the overly bashful smile probably spreading across my face. How much of a loser would he think I am if he knew, before this semester, I didn’t have any friends?
“Thanks for inviting me.”
Derek takes another swig and shakes his head. “For sure. I’m kind of overwhelmed, if I’m honest. I’ve never been to a club before.”
“Never?”
My eyebrows knit together. Grant starts nodding, and Derek takes his baseball cap off to run a hand through his curls.
“Not to trauma dump, but remember that bad relationship I mentioned? I didn’t realize how toxic it was at the time. I wasn’t really allowed to go anywhere, do anything, or know anyone with her.” He’s semi-shouting the confession, but it’s unneeded. The bass-filled music doesn’t sound so loud when I’m hanging ontoDerek’s words like this, stunned. “Grant’s really the only friend I have. Even back then.”
Something blooms in my chest. It’s different than the feeling I get when Rosie tilts her head up at me and smiles. In the same vein, but laced with different implications.
Platonic love. Friendship. Derek, although in a different situation, is expressing the things I’ve felt before finding Rosie and this group. Lonely and isolated, because someone who should unconditionally love me chose to strip me of a support system instead. His ex and my dad should attend a therapy session together.
This time, it’s my hand reaching over Grant and squeezing Derek’s shoulder.
“I get you. I’m glad we can be here for each other now.”
The nerves of being around someone new haven’t dissipated, but I’m confident they will with time. Derek is a part of the safe space of people Grant and Liliana created. I didn’t realize how nice it was to have that until now.
“Well, speaking of relationships,” My brother says, smirking. “Locke and Rosie just kissed in front of everyone like that’s normal for them.”
His eyebrows raise and Derek’s follows. Heat erupts all over my face. I’d quickly forgotten that us kissing isn’t a normal sight for everyone. Not yet, at least. I have a feeling they’ll be seeing it more often than they’d like, and probably more often than appropriate.
It’s embarrassing how clingy I’ve become. Not embarrassing enough to deny, though.
Grant nudges my side and Derek asks, “Are you together, then?”
Billie asked question when I told her things weren’t platonic anymore—after she was done screaming her head off. I can only think to repeat the same answer here.
“I think so.”
“Think?”
That’s what Billie had replied, too.
“We haven’t really discussed labels. We just go together.”
This is the only kind of discussion I’ll ever dislike having about Rosie. One where I don’t know how to explain that “girlfriend” feels like too small of a label for us.
I know what I want. Her, us, together, for as long as she’ll have me. Ideally, she’ll nevernotwant me.
