But my confident mask is strong. It’s been facing wear and tear through the last few months of my engineering program, but I cling to it. Hide the unsure feeling in my stomach and face things head-on with the strength I muster. Having my best friend give up something she’s finally doing for herselfisn’tan option.
“We don’t know that they will. And hey! Who knows? Maybe living with a guy would be good for me.” Liliana’s face scrunches—the same way it does when she goes to scold me for my choices in men. “No! Not like that! I mean, like, maybe it’ll be good to make a friend in the program.”
That relieves a bit of the anxiety in my chest. Outside of my cohort, there are other girls in my program, but none who I’ve become particularly close to. Maybe if I had a friend in the program, then getting through this degree would be easier.
Maybe other peers would afford me some respect, too.
Lil sighs again. “I just don’t feel comfortable with you living with a strange guy.”
“And I don’t feel comfortable with you sacrificing what would make you happy. Like living with your boyfriend.” I can see the shift behind her eyes. The nail I’ve hit.
For as long as I’ve known her, Liliana has sacrificed her happiness for others. Only recently has she started to try doing things for herself.
After hearing my words, her demeanor changes. From defensive to shoulders slumping and head drooping, and I can tell it’s clicked.
Her lips purse, eyes closing tightly. “If you do end up living with a guy, and you feel uncomfortable, even for a second-”
“I’ll lay down the fucking law and tell him who’s boss.”
Her eyes snap open, stare pointed, but there’s humor behind it.
“I was going to say, you need to let the university know immediately. And tell me, too.”
“Or I could release live scorpions in his bed while he’s sleeping.
“Oh, my gosh, Rosie.” She throws her hands up, turning back to the box she was trying to unpack before. Instead of reaching for the tape ends, she picks up the cardboard and places it with the others on the floor. “What is with you and insects today?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” With a layer of textbooks lining the bottom of my box, I start grabbing the belts, hats, and other accessories from my closet that can’t be so easily crushed. This back and forth is what I’m used to with her.
“First bees, now scorpions?”
The sound of ripping tape behind my back is enough of a sign that Liliana isn’t going to push the roommate topic any longer. She knows I’m just as serious about her happy ending as she is.
Giggling, I ask over my shoulder, “Is ittickingyou off?”
“Okay.” Empty cardboard hits the floor with a soft thud. “Too many bug puns.”
“Wasp the problem?”
“You’re being ridiculous and if you keep it up, I will literally walk out right now and you can finish this yourself.”
“Don’tantagonize me.”
“Goodbye, Rosie.”
She makes a beeline for the door. Although Liliana criticizes my horrible bug puns over her shoulder, she does eventually crack a smile before heading back into my barren bedroom to help finish packing.
three
LOCKE
The dorm is substantially smallerthan any other space I’ve lived in my life.
It has a charm to it though. It’s different from the dorm rooms I’ve seen in animated films and shows. It’s not a cramped bedroom with two small twin beds on either wall. Graduate school housing consists of a full apartment, with a living room area and small kitchen beside it. Down the hallway, there are two separate bedrooms and a bathroom that seems a bit too small to be shared.
It's furnished with the essentials. A rickety TV stand, a gray couch, a refrigerator that looks like it’s gone through at least a decade of college students. All the furniture in the apartment is of the same dark pine wood, highly contrasted against the bleak white walls.
Even the mattress is a dark blue, overly firm, and just teetering on the edge of being too uncomfortable. Suitable for a living space, but not necessarily a home.
