“Rosie!”
When Lil laughs, I know I’ve lightened the weight off her shoulders. “It’s true! What you’re really stressing about is not being able to see this ass around the apartment anymore. Go ahead, you can admit it.”
Her eyes light up in amusement, and I let myself laugh with her. “You’re crazy.”
“And you’re not denying it.”
Joking like this is how I grit down the guilt of lying to her. I don’t lie to Liliana unless I know it’s for the best.
Lil would’ve shut down Grant’s offer in a second if she knew how much I scrambled to find a new place. In the days while she was at her summer classes, I was sweating over my laptop keyboard searching for last-minute living arrangements. The dorm having a singular open spot was a lucky twist of fate I won’t take for granted.
Lil is still laughing when she says, “I hopeyoudon’t replaceme. What if your new roommate is funnier than me and she becomes your new best friend?”
“Both impossible theories.”
Even if my new roommate sent me reeling with laughter every day and sat at the couch studying with me every night, it wouldn’t matter. They wouldn’t be my Lil.
“Plus,” I add on while grabbing the packing tape from her. “There’s a chance I could be dorming with a guy who is completely boring and doesn’t want to do late night face masks.”
“What?” I keep my eyes on the newly built box in front of me, placing the last of my textbooks at the bottom. “What do you mean it could be a guy?”
“That’s what the housing office told me. There’s a chance I could be living with a guy, if another grad student tries to apply for the dorms last minute.” I know what Liliana is going to say before she says it. I raise my voice to layer over hers and add in more humor to mask my own worry.
My jokes fly past her head. “There’s no way I’m letting you live with a guy!”
“I could totally live with a guy!”
I don’t want to. I assume the housing office wouldn’t room me with someone dangerous, so that’s not my concern.
It’s more that almost all the men in my engineering program haven’t been welcoming. They belittle me when they can andrefuse to acknowledge me as an equal. It’s hard enough in class. I can’t imagine that being in my living space too.
“No. Absolutely not. That shouldn’t even be allowed.” Her yellow painted fingertips reach to pull tape off a sealed box, and I grab ahold of her wrist. “I’m going to call Grant and tell him I’ll live with him next year or something.”
She tries to wiggle out of my grip but comes up short. “No, you’re not. I’m an adult. I can live with a guy for the last year of school if I have to, Lil.”
“You’re going to live with a random guy you don’t even know?!”
I take a deep inhale. She’s making points I don’t want to hear, because I’m trying to be the confident and uncaring friend. I gulp down the fears I’m sure we share and plaster on a smile.
“It’s not like he’s going to be a dude they just pluck off the street.”
“It very well could be.” I let her hands go, and she crosses her arms.
“Brookstone has one of the best graduate science programs on the east coast. High-level shit.” When her posture doesn’t deflate, I roll my eyes for emphasis. “You think they just let anyone into this program?”
“I doubt they’re doing background checks on their students.”
I turn my back to her so I can knock my head against the white plaster wall. People who have incriminating backgrounds aren’t fighting to get into a grad program as competitive and expensive as Brookstone’s.
My words come out in a mumble with my chest pressed against the wall. “It is fine. It will be fine. I might not even get a roommate.”
I knew this would happen. I purposefully waited to tell her until the very last moment, when Liliana’s possessions aresitting in Grant’s place and my deposit has already been sent to the university.
She can’t convince me to back out. I can’t convince myself to either.
“I’m scared they’ll encroach on your living space.”
I sigh. She’s teetering around her words, but I know what she’s trying to say.
