I don’t know who I am if not Keller McCarthy’s son. The thought of having to figure that out scares me more than facing his wrath does.
By the time I reach home, the movers who shouldn’t have access to my private living space are packing up Ghost’s cat tower and toy bin. I don’t stop them in fear that word will get back to Dad.
Instead, I lean against the now bare living room wall. Ghost rubs on my ankles while we watch them together, white fur catching on my seams of my suit pants. I squat down to pet his head and silently hope another move so close to our last won’t be as stressful to him as it is to me.
Once the movers have taken everything out of my apartment—with the exception of essentials and my carefully constructed Lego sets, thankfully—I pull out my phone and beg one of my siblings to help me move.
two
ROSIE
“If you’remad at me, you can say it, you know. I wouldn’t even blame you.”
Liliana’s wavy brown hair whips into her face when she turns to me, again, and asks me the same question… again.
“How many times do I have to reassure you I’m not mad that you’re moving in with your boyfriend?”
My best friend sighs before grabbing the packing tape off my barren desk and closing the box of makeup organizers.
“I know you said it was okay,” she says in a small voice, nervously tugging at her pink blouse. “But I can move in with Grant later, and we can stay roommates, and you don’t have to worry about living on campus.”
While I would usually credit Liliana’s constant questioning to her overthinking, this time, it makes more sense why she doesn’t believe me. Why she thinks I’m lying when I say I’m okay with her giving me less than a month’s notice to move out of our apartment.
I expect most people would be pissed. Finding another place so last minute wasn’t easy. I should be upset my roommate is ditching me for her boyfriend, but I can’t be.
My cut-and-dry, black-and-white thinking best friend has found someone that makes her change her life’s perspective. She does spontaneous things and takes a break from her carefully curated agendas. I haven’t seen Liliana happier, or more carefree, than when she’s with Grant.
I’m not upset she wants to be surrounded by that all the time. Finding comfort in a person rather than a place is something special.
So, as much as Lil tries to apologize and offer to call off this milestone in her relationship, it’s not necessary. I would never blame her for taking that jump. I love love, and love has found Liliana. I would never keep my best friend from that.
I tighten my ponytail, roll out my neck, and continue packing away nail polish bottles.
“Living on campus might be good for me.” I lift my tone at the end of the sentence. “Maybe it’ll help me get an edge for the quant research internship.”
The crease of her eyebrows deepens. “How would living on campus help you with that?”
“No idea. Maybe I’ll see Dr. Adebayo one night after class and will save her from a swarm of bees or something. I don’t know.” I shrug. Liliana’s face drops, hip popped in annoyance. “What?”
“A swarm of bees is going to help you get an internship?”
“It’s better than nothing!”
She rolls her eyes and releases a soft chuckle under her breath, but part of me is deadly serious. If that’s what it takes, I’d do it. I think I’d doanythingfor a chance to work at Xion Group, even if it’s not a guaranteed placement after my master’s program.
I want to say that being at the top of my cohort is enough to secure it. Being above my classmates in performance, with stellar undergraduate credentials and years of advanced classes, should be enough to make me a shoe-in.
No one in my financial engineering program will explicitly say I’m judged by factors other than academics and experience, but they don’t have to. It’s obvious when they whisper behind their hands like elementary kids and make comments on my body rather than my mind.
My peers won’t take me seriously. The people at Xion Group could turn their noses at me the same way. My chest sinks when I imagine it.
When I glance away from the cardboard boxes littering my bedroom floor, Liliana still has a large wrinkle in her forehead.
I sigh. “I’m not upset you’re moving out. It was no trouble on my end to find a dorm. It worked out and you shouldn’t feel bad.”
“I just don’t want you thinking Grant comes before you, or that I’m, like…” She waves her hands around. “Replacing you or something.”
“Grant? Replace me?” Liliana overthinking my reaction to this isn’t anything new, but feeling replaced was the furthest thing from my mind. I scoff. “Please. I have five years of friendship over him, at least a thousand crying sessions,andhe doesn’t have half the ass I do.”
