It’s not a question. She doesn’t stutter, doesn’t wonder, because a woman like this has everything together. The stress of ten minutes ago hits again full force.
“Yes. I just got out of it when we ran into each other.”
She nods, small smile reappearing on her face. “I see.”
I’m jealous. I want to smile, too, but the internship dreams I might’ve just thrown away press too heavily on my mind. My teeth are breaking the skin of my cheek when Dr. Adebayo’s lips downturn.
“How did it go?” I gulp. Drop my head, because I can’t bear to look at a personification of my hopes and dreams anymore. She hums. “Not good. That’s okay. You don’t have to beat yourself up about it.”
I almost laugh. I idolize Dr. Adebayo in ways I don’t think other people could ever understand. I don’t expect her to comprehend how devastating today is, either.
She tsks, and I keep my head down.
“Failing an internship doesn’t define your probability for a successful career, Rosalie.”
The incredulous laugh finally creeps out of my throat. “Dr. Adebayo-”
“Call me Keyshia.”
She’s smiling again, wide and welcoming, but I’ve fallen into shock.
Me? On a first name basis with her?
Her hand does a rolling motion for me to keep talking, and I shove my nerves down.
“Keyshia,” I test the waters. She nods. “With all due respect, I think it’s hard to emphasize how important this internship is to my future. It isveryimportant.”
My turns head down again, staring at her through my lashes. I’ve never been the type of student to let grades and test scores discourage me. A bad assignment here or there is manageable, because my overall performance will always balance it out.
The chilling truth now is that this is worth more to me. Some people work their whole lives for a good grade, or a degree, but my sleepless nights have been for a promised career in the industry I love. I’m perfect for it on paper. I’ve proven that.
It’s the respect of others I can’t seem to grasp. This internship is it. I can solidify my place early and show I’m capable. No one can deny that or me. There’s more resting on this than she knows.
Or, at least, that’s what I think. Until Dr. Adebayo lets her shoulders shrug, leaning over the arm rests to pat my hand softly.
“Did the cruelness of the world convince you that proving yourself to others was the only way you can succeed? That’s sure what it sounds like.”
The sickly familiar feeling of tears welling is back, and I try to press them down. Try to show strength in front of the woman who I hold in the highest regard, but it’s almost impossible to, when she squeezes my hand and gives me a soft smile.
“You remind me so much of myself, Rosalie. Filled with so much passion and drive, that it feels almost unbearable at times. That’s how you feel, isn’t it?”
I choke out a half-hearted laugh. “Yes, that’s exactly how it feels. Like I…”
“Want something so badly, you’re willing to give your last breath for it. And you know everyone can see that, but instead of admiring your hard work, they push you down continuously. Like you’re doing wrong for wanting something so bad andearningit.”
I’m floating. It’s euphoric to hear my deepest thoughts said in a voice other than my own. The fact that it’s Dr. Adebayo saying these things, and saying she sees herself in me, heightens everything. Selfishly, I indulge in the delusions of her words being a prophecy. One day it could be me sitting on the right, headstrong and accomplished and all-knowing.
The stress of the day escapes me in the form of a teardrop hitting leather. Usually, I would try to hide it. For once, in the cramped space of the engineering building, I don’t feel like I need to.
“I’m so happy you see yourself in me. Honestly, you’re exactly what I want to be in the future. A successful and respected woman in her field.”
Keyshia chuckles under her breath and pats my hand. “You’ll get there, Rosalie, I’m sure. But it’s only right I warn you. It won’t be easy. You’ll have hundreds of breakdowns just like this one, and you’ll feel every emotion under the sun. Not one minute of it will be simple.”
I let out a deep breath. She’s not saying anything I didn’t already figure would happen in my future, but it still stings to hear it confirmed.
The defeat must show itself on my face, because Dr. Adebayo shakes her head. “That doesn’t have to be a bad thing. If you want something, you fight for it. It’ll weigh on you that other people don’t have to fight for it, but it’s not about them. It’s about you. Rosalie, fight for yourself and what you want.That’s how people will take you seriously. Anyone can brush off numbers or grades or skills. No one can disregard true passion and heart.”
Her stare points. Knowing, like she’s sewn a second meaning within her words. They’re too aligned with everything I’ve dragged my subconscious through over the last year.
