I gulp and ask, “Were the guys in your college horrible too?”
Her laugh is quiet, partially filled with humor and partially filled with irony. If it wasn’t so familiar to me, I would’ve missed it.
“Oh, yes. You don’t think men were threatened by a strong, intelligent, Black woman outwitting them at every turn? The first time I beat a colleague for a promotion, he called for a company-wide investigation and accused me of embezzling funds.”
“Embezzling funds?” My eyebrows scrunch. “What role were you in that made embezzling funds possible?”
“I wasn’t. That’s the funniest part.”
We laugh together, and roll our eyes, but I think we both find it only half-funny. There will never be a full chortle of humor behind sexism. It’s just easier to chuckle at its ridiculousness than stew over it.
Just as our small fit of laughter is dying out, Dr. Adebayo’s hand pats mine again.
“The truth is, unfortunately, experiences like that will always find you. Being upset that they exist is understandable and valid. But letting them hinder you from what you want would be a shame. A mind like yours should never be stunted by the opinion of anyone. Not your peers, or jealous colleagues you meet along the way. And definitely not Xion; No matter how prestigious they may be.”
My eyes are dry. I don’t feel the need to wring my frustrations out in sobs, but the emotions haven’t escaped me. I still feeloverwhelmed, and worried, and unsteady. Her encouragements are a solace, though. They support me to a point where it doesn’t feel like I’m carrying unfair expectations alone.
“Thank you,” I manage to say through a shaky breath. “It’s like you know exactly what to say.”
“When I was your age, I wished there was a woman in a position like mine, that would tell me everything would be okay. That even in the face of adversity, what you’ll accomplish will make everything worth it. The important part of it is to know yourself. Instead of trying to convince everyone else what you’ve done, celebrate your achievements for you.
“The only person that needs to know you deserve this,isyou, Rosalie. Everything else will follow. Other people will recognize your greatness. How they respond to it is out of your hands, but it won’t change what you’ve done. Be proud of you, and fight foryou. That’s all you need.”
A lump gets caught in my throat. Instead of choking on it, I take a breath. Inhale the words I didn’t know my heart needed so desperately.
Dr. Adebayo is everything I want to be. Not only because of how effortlessly she commands the room, but because of this. Her experiences have shaped her into an inspiring woman and paved a path for me to follow. It doesn’t surprise me she’s able to strike a chord in my heart, exactly where my hopes have been held taunt by the harsh words of my peers.
Everything loosens. That tight grip on my dreams, and the suffocating hold of wanting other people to see me as the powerful and intelligent woman that I am. The pressure on my chest is starting to lighten. I can breathe.
I know I deserve everything I’m given. I don’t need anyone to prove that to me, and I don’t need to prove it to anyone else. I’ve said it to myself before, and only half believed it. It’s harder to believe in something when it’s just one person.
It’s not just me, though. It’s her, too. And Liliana. And my family, who let me chase my fantastical psychic math dreams for so many years. I’d like to think Grant, and Derek, and Billie would say they believe in me too, if they were asked.
I know, without a doubt, Locke believes in me. I can’t recall a moment since we met where he hasn’t believed in or supported me. Maybe he saw something in me that I haven’t been able to view myself. I’ll forever be thankful that he took the time to look and see that greatness all on his own.
My shoulders fall in relief and Keyshia’s posture changes too. She releases my hand, smiles, and leans back into her chair.
“Xion Group is not the end all, be all for your dreams. I’m sure it’d be nice to…” A high-pitched hum swirls while she runs her eyes across the room. “Go beyond some of the people who doubt you. But even if you don’t, it doesn’t matter.”
“Because I can go anywhere or do anything I put my mind to. I don’t need them or anyone else to tell me I can.”
“That’s right.”
She winks at me, and we’re on the same page. Leveling the same field—almost like she sees us as equals. The exam from hell feels like worlds away now. It could be.
A smirk plays on my lips. The one Dr. Adebayo tosses me is the same.
Finally, I can envision myself in that exact position. Headstrong and powerful and taking on the world.
twenty-nine
ROSIE
I’m onlyaware of the most familiar things when I wake up. The distinct sliver of sunlight that makes its way through Locke’s curtains and onto the white wall in front of his bed. The feeling of his too-comfortable silk sheets that make it harder and harder every time to get out of.
Pancakes. I always know the smell of pancakes.
It’s different waking up to them, rather than be the one cooking them on a Saturday morning. Unless Ghost has somehow become the smartest cat in the world overnight, there’s only one explanation for the scent of warm batter wafting from the hallway.
