“Itisn’t,” I clarified, shaking my head. “And it was never going to. He just kissed me and…and I think I just needed to…blow off some steam. Some emotion. I dunno. It was weird, and wrong, and it just made me realize how much I?—”
Gods. I didn’t know if the words sounded worse in my head or out loud.
“How much I miss you,” I concluded, the pathetic desperation in my tone poorly evident.
The brokenness in his eyes granted me a taste of my own—the brokenness I’d felt ever since we’d broken up. The brokenness that could only be fixed by him. The brokenness that threatened to destroy me as I realized I’d ruined what I wanted all along.
Him.
Chapter
Twenty-Seven
Ifelt like a teenager being scolded by her mother for sneaking out. Instead, I was an adult being scolded by her best friend for making out with her other best friend.
“What the hell were you thinking?” Pia paced back and forth through my room while I sat with my knees pulled to my chest, my head in my hands while I sat on the bed.
I had gone and found her immediately after Sebastian had silently stormed from the courtyard.
She’d been ranting for what felt like hours, but had only been minutes.
“I know I’ve joked in the past about you guys hooking up, but I wasjoking.I mean, I knew you guys were close, but notthatclose.”
“You're mad,” I pointed out the obvious—and she had every right to be.
“I’m not mad, I’m just fucking confused. How long has this been going on? Walk me through the order of events here.”
“Pia, I?—”
She cut me off, holding a silencing hand up. “Nope. No excuses. Spit it out.”
I sighed, shaking my head. “Fine,” I groaned. “First of all,nothingis going on. It’s just…on my birthday I was upset. And he came to check on me.” My own thoughts flustering me, I stood up and turned my back to her, unable to bear the disappointment on her face.
“Okay? And what about the part where you locked lips and did gods know what else?”
“I’m not finished,” I grumbled. “We were just hugging and then when we pulled back he just…kissed me. And I didn’t exactly stop it right away.”
My body pivoted to get a good view of her bulging eyes.
“We stopped before it went too far,” I added.
“What’stoo far?”
“Do you really want the dirty details here?”
“Um, do you even know me, Maeve? Of course I want the dirty details. Spill it,” Pia ordered.
“It was more like a make out session than it was a kiss,” I ashamedly admitted.
“Was any genitalia involved?” she deadpanned, crossing her arms.
My face bunched up. “First of all,ew. That is a disgusting word. And second of all, no. He started kissing my neck and then I snapped back to reality.”
She uncrossed her arms to reach up and tie her hair back, nodding freakishly slowly. “One question.” She dropped her hands and held up a single finger. “Why?”
I shrugged. “I was deep in my own head before he came. I had just had a good talk with Seb right before?—”
Pia threw her arms into the air. “Oh gods, Maeve!Seriously?”
