“At the time, I was trying to convince myself that I couldn’t be with Seb after what happened, and I had been watching you and Kohen together and I just felt so broken. I just needed to not feel anything. So when he kissed me, it kinda just turned mymind off for a minute. All the background noise was gone. Until I realized what I had done, then the noise came rushing back in even louder.” Ignoring her disbelief, I continued, “It was just a moment of weakness.”
“I would consider a moment of weakness as being a peck, not a full make out session.”
I drew a deep breath, my chest shuddering on the exhale.
“That's why you were acting so weird the next morning,” Pia scoffed and turned her head towards the door, avoiding eye contact with me. “Were you ever going to say something?”
I choked down the orange-sized lump in my throat. “We agreed to pretend it didn't happen, and I knew the kiss was a mistake immediately after, so I just wanted to forget it. I knew that I needed to tell Sebastian, though, and the look on his face just now quite literally tore me in half. The thought that I hurt him—” I choked on my words. “The thought that I hurt him makes me hate myself even more than I already do. And I hate thatthisis what it took for me to realize that I still need him. Now more than ever.” I buried my face in my hands, letting my tears seep between my fingers. “I have hurt so many people without meaning to.”
“Maeve…” Pia said my name with a hint of sympathy as she took her place beside me. “You should have talked to me. I would have helped you work through whatever is going on inside there.” She tapped lightly on my head. “I know you’ve been having a hard time with everything, and I’m sorry if I have been absent or not checking in enough with you. In all honesty, I’ve had a lot on my plate, too.”
“What's going on?” I asked, suddenly painfully aware that I had been an all-around shitty friend lately.
She hesitated before saying, “It can wait, really.”
My head shook. “Pia, no. You can tell me?—”
“It seriously can wait. Truly,” she said sharply.
Accepting her response, I continued. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who should be apologizing. I’ve dragged all of you into my mess over and over again, and everyone keeps getting hurt by my problems and mistakes.”
“We love you. Your problems are our problems,” she assured me, wrapping an arm around me and pulling me into a hug.
My body shook as my sobs grew stronger. “I don’t know what to do now. I doubt Seb will be able to forgive this, and I don’t blame him. He shouldn't."
“Believe it or not, Seb is more understanding than he seems.”
He was, but this was different. And I knew the longer I waited, the worse it would be. “I should go find him so we can have this exact same conversation again.”
Pia stopped me. “I would give it some time if I were you. Kohen is with him now doing damage control and making sure he doesn’t kill Sawyer.”
This shouldn’t wait. “Where are they?”
“No. I’m making an executive decision here. Give him some time.” Pia’s words were a demand, and I wasn’t in a position to argue. “Wait until after Venay’s burial.”
My mouth went slack. “Two daysfrom now?”
“Trust me on this. I know Seb. He needs time to process this before deep-diving back into it. I’m sure you can relate to that—right?”
All I gave her as a response was a nod of my head.
Venay’s burialwas like a vacation after the past forty-eight hours.
It was obvious that Sebastian was avoiding me, and with plausible cause. I wouldn't want to talk to me, either, if I werehim. But soon, he wouldn’t have a choice. Even if he didn’t say a word back, I needed to give him an explanation. He deserved that much.
I stood beside Archer, who was incredibly talented at hiding his misery. He was stone-faced, as if nothing at all had even happened. I hadn't even begun to figure out how I would explain what we discovered about Venay before she died, or if I should even tell him. But if there's anything I’d learned in the past month or so about keeping secrets, it was not to.
Lumosia’s burial grounds were small for obvious reasons. The kingdom technically didn’t exist, and its population was minuscule all things considered.
Two weather wielders used their magic to conjure a strong wind, guiding the air to gently lower Venay’s casket into the ground. Once covered and settled, an earth wielder used their emerald to grow flowers over the mound of dirt covering it.
“Weeds would be more fitting if you ask me,” Sawyer mumbled into my ear, and I had to disguise my laugh as a sob.
I planned to corner Sebastian following the ceremony, but he attempted to disappear as soon as the earth wielder concluded the burial. I observed the way he strode off, his hands tucked into his leather pockets, his head dipped towards the ground.
I started after him, pausing in my tracks when Kade noticed my wandering eyes and nudged me with his elbow. “Hawthorne sure is pissed at you.”
I scrunched my face at him and spat, “How would you know?” Sebastian wouldn't be caught dead confiding in Kade.
