There was no more talking that could help. I’d gotten the pistols, and that was all I came for.
I turned to the door, and Oberi followed.
“Charlie,” Marcus tried again, but I didn’t want to hear it.
“Just leave me alone,” I told him over my shoulder, clearly indicating that was the end of it. I hid the guns in my coat and hurried out of the room. I was grateful that they didn’t follow.
Oberi followed me to the far end of the palace grounds, where a lookout tower hung over a steep cliffside. We climbed the tower to the very top, though the guards remained stationed at the base. They hadn’t noticed the guns I’d hidden and probably thought I came up here to throw myself off.
Cameron wouldn’t mind, I was certain, and had likely ordered them not to stop me if I tried. I nearly contemplated it, but I knew better. Taking myself out would only hurt Ava, and I’d wounded her too deeply to consider giving one more blow to her heart she couldn’t take. I had to stick around to deal with the shitshow I’d caused.
Oberi and I stepped onto a balcony that overlooked the ocean. Churning waves crashed against the cliffside below. It was a long way down into the deep, dangerous waters. Once I tossed these guns over the edge and they sank to the bottom, I couldn’t get them back if I tried. No one else would be able to, either, because I’d take the knowledge of this location to my grave.
I didn’t waste any time contemplating it. I threw the four pistols over the cliff as far as I could, one by one. They tumbled downward into the water, never to be seen again.
Oberi stepped forward to nudge his nose into my hand. They’re gone.
I was relieved to be rid of them. My stomach cramped, revolting at the idea that I’d ever thought to create them in the first place— and had pushed everyone so hard to use them. These guns were dangerous, and so was the illusion magic I’d used to create them.
“The guns aren’t the only thing that has to go,” I said hollowly. “I need to give up my illusion magic, too.”
No one can take that from you, Oberi noted. I might be able to block it off with your consent, but it wouldn’t be forever lasting.
“No, but I can vow to never use it again. My illusions are too strong. Once I create something, I can’t undo it, and that’s too dangerous. I have to bury that magic so deep I can no longer reach it, because it’s caused us nothing but trouble.”
Are you certain that is the right decision? You came out here alone, without the aid of your friends who were only trying to help.
“I don’t need anything from them.”
Now’s not the time to shut everyone out, Oberi scolded. Perhaps you should be consulting others before making such rash decisions.
“What else am I supposed to do? There’s nothing anyone can do for me, and I can’t fix any of this, either. The best thing I can do is leave everyone alone. They don’t want me around, and I don’t want to be around them, anyway.”
Oberi placed himself in front of me and growled. As displeased as I am for every sin you’ve committed, throwing in the towel is not the answer.
“You’ve already lost all respect for me, so what do you want?”
I’d like you to at least try to right some of these wrongs! You’ve done some of the worst things I’ve witnessed in all my millennia, and if you give up now, you will prove to yourself and everyone exactly what kind of monster you are. If you are so intent on stopping the villainy you started, then you have to step up to do the work to reverse course. Slamming on the brakes isn’t going to get you anywhere. It will leave you stuck exactly where you are— miserable and alone.
I scoffed. “Miserable and alone is exactly where I deserve to be. At least then I can’t hurt anyone.”
Of that, you are sorely mistaken, Oberi sneered.
I stepped around him to depart from the tower. “I’ve done all I can. Now all I want to do is forget.”
I didn’t know why Oberi bothered trying to save me. I didn’t believe for a second he had any faith left in me, so who was he to say I still had work to do? He’d already given up on me, and I couldn’t say I blamed him.
I’d certainly given up on myself.
“Another, goddammit,” I told the bartender as I slid my glass across the bar. I’d been here for hours, maybe all day. I couldn’t be sure anymore, though I was certain the sun had set a while ago.
My father had forbidden me from leaving the palace, but that meant the bar near the stables— which the guards frequented after their shifts— was still available to me. The patrons had cleared out when I’d arrived, apart from a few guards who stood outside to make sure I didn’t run. Probably best if the place was empty, because the guards might’ve been tempted to go against my father’s orders and kill me otherwise. No one wanted me on the throne now, and I was certain they didn’t want him there, either, but they were magically bound to obey my father. If they had a chance, I was sure they’d kill me to end my family’s royal line and put some Elf in charge who wouldn’t completely screw them all over.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t get some pleasure out of the fact that my mere presence sent everyone running. I preferred to be alone with enough alcohol to drown my sorrows.
I was hoping it’d drown me completely, to be honest. My wife wanted to leave me. She’d asked for a divorce. I thought we were untouchable, that we loved each other too much for that ever to become a possibility, but guess not. I was getting dumped by the love of my life, and it was my own damn fault.
The strong scent of whiskey filled the air as the bartender poured my drink. I had already gone through my first bottle. I could still feel the burn of the last shot in the back of my throat. The bartender wasn’t stopping me, though. By now, everyone knew what I’d done, and the punishment Cameron had sentenced me to.
