I thought I heard the bartender give a sympathetic sigh when I placed my bandaged hand on the countertop. He probably thought I was trying to numb the pain of my amputated finger. I preferred the agony of it, to be honest. I wondered how many shots it’d take before he stopped me, or if he’d keep refilling my glass long enough for me to pass out under a table… long enough to forget.
All I really wanted to do was erase my memory, because what I’d done was too diabolical to face. But it wasn’t like that would happen. I could drink all the alcohol that was in this bar, and it wouldn’t be enough to make me forget Ava.
Oberi sat at my feet as a husky, not stopping me from taking drink after drink, but not leaving me alone, either. I didn’t get why he was here. I was worthless. He should be off comforting Ava right now, wherever she was, not babysitting me. He remained silent, observing as I did my best to drink myself to death.
Soft footsteps approached, and someone slid into the seat beside me. I’d completely shut myself off from the world around me, but the tingle of her unique magic still managed to find its way into my awareness.
“If you’re here to tell me I fucked up, save your breath,” I mumbled.
“You’re smart enough to figure that out on your own,” Maddie replied. “You don’t need a naderei to tell you that.”
“Then why are you here?”
“To say thank you.”
Suddenly, the sound of a fan whirring overhead and the hum of the refrigerators nearby seemed louder than before. “Thank me?”
“I told you long ago what choices you had to make. I’m here to thank you for making the right one.”
“You knew what I’d have to do, didn’t you?” There was little emotion behind my words. I didn’t have it in me to be angry at Maddie. For all I knew, she was the one to put this idea in my head, but she wasn’t the one who had carried it out. That was solely on me.
“I was prepared to support you both in whatever decisions you made, no matter the outcome. However, even though I supported Ava’s decision to end it all, there was a small part of me that hoped you’d stop her.”
“I did it. I fulfilled your prophecy, and delivered to Ava a fate worse than death,” I stated hollowly. “But at what cost?”
“You saved lives, Charlie?—”
“And destroyed hers,” I insisted. “That prophecy of yours. I suppose it doesn’t tell you what comes next?”
“No,” Maddie said. “My involvement as a naderei in this matter is over, but that doesn’t mean your work is finished. You bought us a future— a future we wouldn’t have if Ava had achieved what she set out to do. Now the two of you must decide what to do moving forward.”
“Ava and I are done. There is no moving forward after this.” I brought the whiskey to my lips. “I only bought the Elves a few days before the Warden kills us all. You say I made the right choice, but that’s where you’re wrong. No matter how the prophecy ended, there were no right choices. Maybe in the end, that’s what this is all about. We were fucked from the beginning, and Ava and I were doomed to be apart no matter how hard we fought to be together. Because all that fighting did was make us destroy each other. I’m not going to make it worse by continuing to beg her to stay.”
I downed the shot, feeling the satisfaction of its burn in the back of my throat. I liked that it hurt, because I deserved it.
Maddie stood. “Whether the choice to fight for her is right or wrong, it’s still a decision you get to make.”
She said the words like it should mean something to me, but it was a poor attempt at imparting wisdom, because it didn’t seem wise at all. What was the point of having free will if you couldn’t do any good with it? Every decision I made just led to chaos.
She turned, her footsteps retreating and leaving me alone once again— alone, apart from the bartender, who had heard the conversation. A second glass clinked against the countertop, and then a third, as he began pouring my drinks faster than I could finish them.
I gave him an approving nod. “Keep ‘em coming.”
Oberi stood, speaking for the first time. Charlie, we need to talk about those papers.
What’s there to talk about? Fuck, even in my head, my voice sounded slurred.
If she wants you to sign them, you need to consider that. You might be making this harder than it has to be.
Fuck that. I’m not signing a godsdamn thing. I was dragging this out as long as I could, because why bother doing anything else? She’d hurt me by getting those papers drawn up in the first place, so now, I’d hurt her by not giving in. What else was there to do?
That’s just another way of keeping her in a cage, which you already have so much remorse over. Are you really going to do it again?
Tears stung at my eyes as I nearly broke down. I put my hands in my hair and let my head thump against the bar. No. It’s wrong not to let her go, I know that. If she really wants a divorce, I’ll give her what she wants. At least then, she’ll be safe from me.
I said consider signing them, not just hand them over, Oberi said dryly. You two haven’t had a single conversation about this that hasn’t turned into an argument, and I’m not convinced that splitting up is what either of you want.
Do you want me to sign those papers?
