CHARLIE
I was a bad person.
The worst, really.
I used to think the world was full of shades of gray, that there were nuances to right and wrong. That none of it mattered. Even if life was more than black and white, more than hard lines in the sand, I was still a terrible man. Didn’t matter how I spun the truth anymore. I’d dove head-first into those shades of gray, and I hadn’t realized when they’d turned my heart to black.
Ava had taken my heart in her hands, burned it to ashes, and yet those ashes couldn’t compare to the darkness that I’d allowed to consume me. I’d let it. It was my choice. And I did it anyway. I’d completely fucked up.
And I couldn’t fix it.
I’d stayed awake all night the moment Ava left our quarters. Once she was gone, I knew I couldn’t fix this mess. Ava and I were already broken, and had been long before our bond was severed. I think our marriage had been falling apart for a while without either one of us realizing it. Even if we went back in time to change everything, it wouldn’t be enough to put our broken pieces back together. My wife had asked me for a godsdamn divorce. There was no coming back from that.
There was only one thing I could do. I knew it’d change nothing, but I still had to go through with it. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t. The morning after she brought me those damned papers, I dug through mine and Ava’s things until I found the pistols we’d created with simultension. I wished the guns would disappear like any old illusion, but the damn things were so solid and real it was like they were forged from real earthy metals and not magic.
What are you going to do with those? Oberi asked bitterly. Planning on hurting someone else now, huh?
I was pissed he’d suggest such a thing. I ignored him, hiding the pistols in my waistband under my coat as I turned to the door of my suite. “I’m going to do what I should’ve done long ago. Are you going to help me, or just stand there while I potentially fuck us all over again?”
Oberi let out a puff of air, like he was displeased. The last thing I want to do is help you right now, but by the ancestors, you might be right this time. Lead the way.
Several guards were stationed outside my room, just as my father had promised. I was still free to roam the palace, so they didn’t stop me from leaving my room, but their footsteps followed wherever I went. I stomped down the hall, praying they wouldn’t notice me packing, because if they caught me with these pistols they’d make assumptions about me trying to start another coup and kill me on the spot.
Not an altogether awful fate, but if that happened, I’d never get a chance to finish what I started, and this was important.
I made my way to Marcus and Kallie’s suite and burst through the door without knocking. Marcus yelped, falling to the floor.
“What in the gods’ name are you doing?” Kallie snapped. “You nearly broke our door!”
I slammed the door shut behind Oberi, leaving the guards outside. “Give me your guns,” I demanded.
“W— what? Why?” Marcus stammered.
I threw mine and Ava’s pistols onto the table. “Just hand them over. I’m sick of this mob boss game I tried to win. None of us should’ve played.”
A stunned beat of silence passed. The only sound in the room was that of my ragged breath. I really didn’t want to waste time explaining myself. I just wanted this done and over with.
Finally, Kallie took a step forward. She shoved something hard and cold into my chest— her pistol. She knew my exact intentions without having to ask. “Do it, then. Get rid of it. I never want to see these fucking pistols again. We never should’ve used them in the first place.”
The air seemed just a little lighter when I took her pistol and added it to the pile. “Thanks, Kallie.”
“Don’t thank me,” she snapped back. “It was your fucking idea to make them. All you’re doing is trying to right a wrong that’s already ruined everything.”
She was right. But that wasn’t going to stop me from going through with this, because it needed to be done.
Marcus hesitated. “Why are we destroying these? We might need them again.”
I shook my head firmly. “No. If we can’t get by on our own, then we deserve to lose this war. We didn’t create these weapons to protect ourselves. We made these guns to hurt other people. We took our villainy too far, so they have to go.”
These guns were a symbol of how bad I’d become. They were one of the first steps that had led to my marriage breaking apart, one of the things that had pushed Ava to ask for a divorce. Maybe I couldn’t undo the damage I’d inflicted upon the world, but if there was anything I could do to stop things from getting worse, I’d damn well try. I could stop myself from continuing down this dark descent into villainy. I had to end it here, before I got even worse, before I harmed others more than I already had. I needed to make sure these guns could never be used again.
“All right,” Marcus agreed. “No more pistols.”
He placed his gun on the table beside the others, and I gathered them together. Kallie turned her back on me.
Marcus placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. “I’m proud of you. This was the right thing to do.”
I shrugged him off before he could say anything more. I could hear it in his voice that he wanted to talk about this.
