That’s how things were going to be from now on, I realized.
“Just… don’t give up on me, okay?”
She wasn’t talking about the sex. I grasped both of her hands and promised, “Never.”
I knew things weren’t going to be like they had been ever again. And I was fine with that.
I didn’t know if she would be.
CHAPTERFOUR
AVA-MARIE
This couldn’t be happening to us.
Charlie and I had the perfect sex life. As far as romance went, there wasn’t any room for improvement. Neither of us had ever been left unsatisfied, and most of the time, we were forced to stop because we got too tired after endless rounds of sex… andneverbecause we couldn’t finish at all.
It was absolutely my worst nightmare. Nothing could be worse.
I didn’t care if it was dramatic. I craved sex more than I craved food, or water. I didn’t need it to survive, but I needed it to behappy.Those times spent with Charlie silenced the voices and made my crazy go away. Sex made me feel normal, and made me want to fly all at once, instead of reminding me of what a monster I was… like everything else in life did. It was more than fun. It was an escape, a promise that I was the only one he wanted and the only one who could make him feel this way. It was a secret world for us tucked away from the Institute and the bullshit of the world. It was a piece of him I didn’t have to share with anyone, and I greedily wanted that all for myself. If I couldn’t sustain that, how would this still work?
“What do you want to do?” he whispered.
I damn well wasn't ready to give up. “Fuck me. Right here, right now.”
“We should wait a few more weeks. At least until you’re out of the back brace.”
“Comeon. You want it as bad as I do.”
“Not when you’re still healing.”
I was going to be healing for the rest of my life, but I wasn’t going to argue with him about it and kill what little was left of the mood. “Just… let me touch you for a while.”
Maybe if I took a break and came back to it, it would quiet my wild thoughts enough so I could concentrate. I began stroking him, all while trying to figure out what the problem was. Usually, when Charlie and I messed around all I could think about was him, but in the back of my mind was the nagging worry that this might never get better. And I couldn’t live with that.
Charlie kissed my neck and gave soft moans as my fingers roamed up and down his dick. I wish he could’ve kissed my breasts, because I was sure that would get something going on my end, but the back brace made access difficult, and maneuvering around enough to do this in one was hard enough already.
Charlie started massaging me again of his own accord, spurred on by my movements over him. He seemed to have no control over himself as he sank into some kind of bliss. I wanted to be swept up again in that magic, because I missed it terribly, but my thoughts were just racing toward worry.
At his touch, I felt tingles running from the core of me through my veins. I could feelsomething, so that was a huge plus; although, the sensations weren’t as powerful as they had been before. At the very least, I was excited that he was managing to stimulate me at all… but it wasn’t enough to get me off.
I noticed I had more feeling left on the left side than the right, which was slightly distressing. I tried to keep my focus on what continued to work instead. I wanted to enjoy what I still had, not worry about the nerves that I’d lost. But as more time went on, the enjoyment faded away, leading to nothing but frustration.
I felt it in my head before it happened. Charlie gave a quick, loud gasp, and his body tightened beside mine. An orgasm exploded across our bond, and the familiarity of it, and the stark remembrance of what had been, nearly pinned me to the bed.
Charlie froze. I drew slowly away, wiping my hand on the sheets.
His voice was embarrassed. “Oh… oh, hell. I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s fine.”
“I really didn’t—”
“It’s okay.”
What did I expect him to do, hold on forever? It was cruel to ask that of him. Just because one of us couldn’t get a release didn’t mean the other one had to suffer.
He sheepishly buttoned his pants. “You want to keep going, or…”
