“You don’t get it,” Kallie replied. “He said he was going to kill himself if you didn’t make it.”
I felt the blood drain from my face as my body went ice cold. A wave of nausea pressed inward on me as each heartbeat became a stabbing knife in my chest. The thought of Charlie taking his own life…
I couldn’t handle it. The very idea made me want to wither away. Charlie had spoken before in vague terms how he didn’t want to live without me, but saying something like that and actually threatening suicide was a huge difference.
I always thought Charlie would be able to go on if I wasn’t here, because he deserved a full life regardless if I got to live it with him or not. I knew he’d grieve, but I didn’t think losing me would make him consider such extreme lengths.
I glanced at Oberi, asking if this was true. She bowed her head and confessed,That is the honest truth.
“Why didn’t you tell me?!” I exclaimed. I gripped the armrests of my chair, so my hands didn’t shake. This was shocking to me, because I didn’t think I grasped how important I was to him until this very moment.
No one wants to hear words like that from someone they dearly love.Oberi reached out and nuzzled her soft nose to my cheek.And it was hard enough to hear myself.
I didn’t know how Oberi managed, sitting there listening to Charlie’s thoughts as he desperately looked for a way out of his grief. All, at the same time, while dealing with her own sorrow that I was gone.
I did it because he needed me, Oberi replied.I had to put my own pain aside so he could survive that moment. It nearly did us all in.
“What happened after the Underground collapsed?” I asked harshly. “I wantevery detailthis time, not the story you guys edited to make me feel better.”
Kallie glanced at Chancey, then launched into an explanation. She told me how they’d found my corpse, mangled from the explosion with my organs pouring out of me. She described, in a slightly detached voice, how Charlie had carried me to the infirmary, but the doctors had already told him I was gone, and there was nothing they could do. He’d nearly suffocated a doctor who’d told him so. Long minutes passed, and over my dead body, Charlie proclaimed he’d take his own life if they couldn’t bring me back.
Then Oberi used her magic to restore my soul to my body, but it was a long fight of me struggling to survive. It appeared that I’d suffered so much there was no turning back, and Charlie wanted to spare me more pain, so he’d made the most difficult decision he ever could.
I remembered nothing of this, but knew it had happened. The story was like a scene out of some horrific tragedy. This had beensomuch worse than people had described it to me. I knew they’d been trying to protect me, because they didn’t want to hold back my recovery with the truth, but I deserved to know what my husband had been through.
Slight tremors racked my body as Chancey added, “You can’t imagine how fucked up he was until you woke up. The man completely lost his marbles.”
“I really did worry he was going to do it. Marcus tried to talk him out of it,” Kallie said softly. “The night you died, Charlie kept going on about how you werehis, and he didn’t want to live without you. He didn’t eat, or sleep… he was a complete wreck. He told us if he had to end it all to be with you, then he would.”
“He kinda came out of it, after he made the choice to take you off life support,” Chancey said. “But I knew what his plans were. He was gonna fulfill his obligations to his people and the prophecy, because that’s what he promised, but once it was all over, he wasn’t gonna stick around. He didn’t say it out loud, but I know Charlie. The guy’s one of the best pals I’ll ever have. And he loves you so much, right or wrong, that he won’t go on without you.”
This was so insanely hard to process. The thought of Charlie doing that to himself drove me to a place of incomprehensible sadness that was so heavy, I didn’t know how to deal with it.
Without me being aware of it, that grief turned to rage.
I knew from my time in the Ancestral Lands that this lifemeant something.I couldn’t believe Charlie didn’t want to experience all this life had to offer, because this world was so much bigger than I was. Why didn’t he realize howspecialhe was, and how important he meant?
I’d heard enough. I grabbed the wheels of my chair and rolled toward the doors that lead inside.
“Where are you going?” Kallie called.
“To kick my husband’s ass!” I yelled back.
“It’s a long way down to the factory. He gets out in thirty minutes,” Chancey added.
“I don’t care!” This couldn’t wait one more second. I wasn’t sitting around waiting for him to get here when I was this pissed. Oberi changed into a phoenix and flew after me worryingly.
Itwasa long way to the factory, though. From here, it was all the way on the other side of the prison, and I’d never gone that far by myself since I’d been injured.
Fuck that, didn’t care. I headed in that direction, determined to get there one way or another.
You shouldn’t be angry, Oberi said as she soared overhead.He was pushed to his breaking point.
“I’m not shaming him for being suicidal, Oberi, fuck!” I snapped back. “I understand that night was awful for him. I’m not upset he couldn’t handle it. But I’m angry he doesn’t think he can go on without me!”
Well… could you?
I wasn’t answering that question. “Screw him! Doesn’t he realize how terrible it would be if he…”
