I gave a petty laugh. “The gods were not here today. They did not so much as look our way.”
Finlay and Arthur went on ahead, but I stopped my search for survivors. I knew there was no one alive out here, and if there had been when they’d fallen, the cold had long since killed them off.
“This is pointless,” I uttered. I’d never wasted so much time— so muchlife— in one fell blow.
“What do you mean?” Stefan gazed at me. All at once, a confession came tumbling out.
“I have been thinking over these past few months… ever since the battle at Pruska. I do not understand why war is necessary,” I began. “When I was younger, I would adamantly argue that without war, there can be no peace.”
I sighed. “But now that I am older, I see that war is pointless. It has no meaning, only sacrifice. As a child, I saw patriotism, and young men sacrificing themselves for their country. I thought it was a holy thing to do. Now, I only see it as a great waste of life. Patriotism and the worship of the military is nothing but posturing. It is a way for nations to pat themselves on the back and make themselves feel better about throwing away the lives of thousands, and destroying families.”
I watched the crows fly over the remnants of frozen bodies as I continued. “You know as well as I that I was raised in a very conservative household, one that was devoted to the gods. Religion and war tie together. They are two faces of the same coin, an urging that our lives on this planet mean nothing and every sacrifice is built for the greater good, as a reward in the afterlife. Thus, religion disvalues life. If you live on, what consequence is it that you lose your life now?”
“Do you mean to blaspheme the gods?” Stefan asked in shock.
“Of course not. That’s not to say that I don’t believe in the afterlife— I do. But my perception of that afterlife has changed. I believe in the afterlife, and in reincarnation, as all fae do. But as your soul lives on, you only get one chance, one experience to be the person you are now before you change into someone— orsomething— else. So why throw that beautiful ride away for something as meaningless as war?”
Stefan observed me as I marched forward, shaking my head. “I believed war was just. Then I learned the truth about what we did to the Unseelie people, and to the other supernatural races. I learned we helped exterminate the Elves. And I’ve been fighting this battle with Gabby for a year now, a war that has virtually accomplished little, and cost much.”
“There will be a reward for all of this loss,” Stefan insisted. “Your father changed Malovia, for all he did to spare our country from the Black Claw.”
I scoffed. “That victory was only won in the hearts of fae who had precious little time to experience freedom before it was taken away from them, once again, by religious extremists who have framed war as a holy honor to gain favor in the afterlife. I realized the flaws in my own religion, the preaching from the pulpit that drove on the need to convert or kill those who are unlike us, and became horrified by what I supported. I listened to the prejudiced rantings of my own family members against the sick, the poor, the dying… thedifferent... and realized we’d all gone mad.”
I stared at my friend. “What are we, Stefan, them or us? What is the truth? Theyareus.”
“War is sometimes necessary,” Stefan insisted.
“Is that not a lie we tell ourselves?” I demanded. “How many wars have been fought on the basis of one lord wishing to claim land from another? One empire fighting for profit against a similar kingdom, both of which have tyrants who are willing to sacrifice their people for more gold, more countries, more wealth and more abundance they won’t even recognize?”
I scoffed. “I realize the truth now. A king will not notice if you add a million coins to his treasury. But one family will notice the absence of a father, a mother, a child or a spouse for many lifetimes. War is useless. It is horrid, unbelievable, cruel. And as long as there is greed on this planet, and a need for people to prove themselves right, it will continue.”
I turned away from him. “But as an individual… even as a king... I can do nothing. Power is absolute. And power will always have the desire to feed.”
Stefan dropped his head, and my tongue was still. I knew why I had come out here today. I wanted to prove to myself there was still some good in war. That for the greater good, sacrifices had to be made.
A hard lesson learned. One that had cost the lives of hundreds. A sacrifice made in the name of the greater good was just an excuse to cause ruin. I knew that truth now as deeply as I knew my own reflection.
It didn’t take long for Alexei and Theo to return. They landed on the battlefield just before the sun dipped below the horizon.
Alexei sounded broken. “The city has fallen. Dolinska is under Gabby’s control.”
If you could hear a heart break, ours would’ve sounded like gunshots across the battlefield. Stefan put his face into his arm, trying to shield it from view.
“What of Amantha?” Finlay demanded. “Did you find her, or any of the others?”
His voice ached with concern for his love. We’d left loved ones back at the palace. Amantha, Vara, Ozzie, and Jasper were still trapped there, for all we knew.
“I’m sorry, Fin. I did not,” Alexei apologized.
Finlay gave a yell of anguished grief. He tore the sword from his side and tossed it to the frozen earth before collapsing to his knees, putting his face in his hands.
Arthur was trembling. “Vara…”
I ached alongside him, for I felt his pain. What of Arthur’s mate, and his unborn children? Where were they now?
I begged the gods they were in a safe place. Gabby would not permit children that were related to Emma in any way to live.
“Didn’t the people fight back?” Finlay asked hoarsely.
