We sat around for an hour longer and talked, but not about anything serious. It was more making conversation to fill the silence. When we meditated back to the university, the girls returned to their mates, and I knew what I had to do.
I couldn’t do this without consulting—relying on— my mate. I needed to talk to Ethan.
The school was empty. Students and staff had gone back to Dolinska, to search for their families and find help. I followed our bond to where he might be, and came to the library. Ethan was sitting at a table, poring over a few books with a concerned expression. I heard the voices of my brother and Vara down a few rows, pulling out books for their research. Ethan must’ve been helping them while awaiting my answer.
The library itself was half-standing. The fire had burned three-quarters of the books, leaving the shelves in nothing but ash. The curtains and portraits that lined the walls were burnt and scarred, and several windows had been broken out. The once-beautiful library was now a mess, and I was wondering how the fae would ever restore it to its former glory. How could such a marvelous place be saved, once it had experienced ruin like this?
When Ethan saw me, he abruptly stood up, and slightly bowed. “My mate.”
I knew he got even more formal than usual when he was nervous. He thought I was coming in here to bite his head off.
Iwantedto yell at him, but that wouldn’t get us anywhere, so I gave a sigh and said, “We should go somewhere.”
He nodded curtly. Ethan followed me up to the balcony overlooking the school, and I locked the door behind us for privacy. My heart tumbled in my chest as I observed the area. So many parts of the school were lying in destruction, scattered to ruin. This was the college I’d loved, and it’d nearly been destroyed.
Nearly. Despite the battle, she kept standing, and I was proud of her for that. Nothing could knock Arcanea University down. No matter what the storm, she kept weathering it with grace.
“The university looks so different now,” I said, placing my hands on the balcony and looking downward.
“I suppose it would look different besides, even if nothing had happened, because everything has changed for us.” Ethan leaned against the bannister and gave me a meaningful look.
My fingers tightened on the bannister, and Ethan dared to lay a hand on mine. “I know I made a hasty decision. I should’ve consulted you first. Emma, if you don’t want to do this, we can turn back now.”
I swallowed a lump in my throat. “I can’t let everyone down.”
“You can’t letyourselfdown. That’s what’s important to me,” Ethan insisted. “This isn’t about what I want, or what Malovia wants. I won’t go forward with this unless I know this is what you desire, in your heart.”
There was a clenching sensation in my chest. “What about what you want? I couldn’t let you lose your dream.”
“Youare my dream. You always have been,” Ethan said honestly. “Things are different now. Before, I wanted to become king for myself, because it is what I desired. Now, I want to become king because I wish to make Malovia into a better nation. But that wish is foolhardy if you aren’t beside me.”
“How could you be willing to give that up for my sake?” I faced him, and my eyes connected with his. “It’s not like before. You have a chance to fulfill your father’s legacy.”
“I cannot continue trying to fulfill a dead man’s dream,” Ethan said softly. “I have to look forward to the next generation. Most importantly, I have to consider the life we would lead together as monarchs.”
“What do you mean?” My eyes narrowed, and Ethan moved closer.
“I had some time to think after we argued, and I realized we cannot go forward unless we do so as one,” Ethan said. “Think of how tragic it would be, if I dragged you into this life against your will. We would be together, and yet, it would not matter, because you would end up hating me.”
“I could never resent you, Ethan.”
“You cannot make such a promise. What if the choice to take the throne ruins our relationship? What if we lose our love, our bond, because you end up despising me?”
My voice wavered as I said, “I know you're afraid I’ll turn my back on you, that this isn't what I want. But you need to know that this is a part ofmydestiny. too."
"It might be part of your destiny, but I want to make sure that this is also your wish," Ethan said. “Being a queen is no small task, and at the very least, I want to make sure you are certain of your choice."
Ethan took my face into his hands. His fingers tangled in my hair, and his thumbs stroked my cheekbones as he said, “I do not want to leave you to deal with this world on your own, to endure the crown by yourself. I promised to help you carry your burdens, and I will keep that vow.”
“Ethan,” I whispered, and tears rose to my eyes.
“It would be no worth to me to gain the world and all of its power if I were to lose you. I won’t allow such a thing to happen to us, for us to be alive, yet divided. I will prove to you that you are my life,” Ethan insisted.
He brought me into a kiss, and I savored it, tasting his love for me and reveling in the immense passion it brought. As he kissed me, it was like our first kiss all over again, below the university towers as the clock struck midnight. And I realized then thathewas my destiny— that Ethan was what I always wanted, and the power he would give me was what I craved.
Power was framed as something evil that only cruel people desired. But I knew I wanted it, too. Power would help me to save the people I loved, to save Malovia— most importantly, it would help me to save myself. There was nothing wrong with desiring to be someone stronger, someone who had the ability to shape their own life, instead of someone who was subject to the whims of fate. For so long, I’d felt like I was a victim to time, a slave to whatever misfortune came my way, and I was tired of it. I wanted to be in control, and this was the last shot I had at owning my existence.
Being queen was my destiny, but with power in my grasp, my destiny wasmineto craft and claim.
