“Yes. I let them do whatever they wanted to me, because I was afraid of being sent to the Underworld. I didn’t want Droga to be angrier with me than the acolytes promised he was,” Alexei said. “It was horrible. I told my parents, but they said I was to play along with it, because they worried the acolytes would kill them if they spoke up.”
Revulsion churned my stomach. I hated the cult, but I didn’t think they were capable of something like this. To think Alexei had been mistreated in this way, at an age when he should be protected by everyone around him, was soul-shattering.
“I made friends with another boy my age. Both of us hated what they made us do. We came up with an idea to fake what they wanted us to do. It worked, for a time, but eventually we got caught.” Alexei’s voice got rough again. “They wanted to send a message, so they sacrificed him. I was supposed to be next, but at the last minute, they decided to publicly mutilate me instead. In the end, it actually was a blessing. The acolytes lost interest in me, and I wasn’t forced to touch them again.”
I hadn’t seen any part of Alexei that had been mutilated— until I suddenly got what he meant. Emma had gone very pale.
Alexei scowled. “As I became older, I grew more and more frustrated. The cult had promised us that their work would make Malovia accept the Unseelie fae, but years had passed, and nothing had changed. We weren’t making anyone’s life better. All I wanted to do was escape, but I knew if I tried and failed, I’d be sacrificed. But once I was sixteen, I couldn’t handle it anymore. I had a lot of experience dealing with suicides— people killed themselves all the time just to get out, and I became numb to it.”
Emma appeared sick, and with remorse, I recalled my failed attempt to hang myself last semester. Alexei had been so calm, then. Eerily so. How many people had he seen die, how many lifeless bodies had he walked in on? He’d experienced horrors I couldn’t even imagine.”
Alexei seemed to brighten— just a little. “Then it hit me. I was afraid of being damned to the Underworld, but hell couldn’t be worse than what I was enduring in the cult. I figured if death was my only option, I might as well take it, because even death was better than living like that. So I planned my escape.”
Alexei licked his lips. “I wanted my parents to come with me, and begged them to leave at the same time I did. This turned out to be a big mistake.”
“Your own parents told on you?” Emma’s eyes widened.
“Yeah. They weren’t great parents from the start, obviously, but I thought that they might havesomeaffection left for me. I thought they’d let me get away. But they wanted to be rewarded by the acolytes, and they figured I was betraying our religion by leaving the cult. But it didn’t matter. I managed to escape anyway, and once I broke out, I never looked back.”
Alexei stared at a bird, flitting from tree to tree. “I spent the rest of my teen years on the streets. I taught myself how to read, and a bunch of other basic stuff. I stayed alive by working small jobs and keeping my head down, bouncing from place to place. When I was eighteen, Lady Magdalina found me, sleeping on a park bench. She insisted I was worthy of an education, and escorted me to the university. I’ve been there ever since.”
Alexei looked at me. “Now you know everything about me. I’m still trying to figure out who I am. I don’t have hobbies— I’m not even sure what Ilike. Identity was something that was ripped away from me when I was living in the cult. My griffin parents never taught me how to manage my emotions, or my empathy magic, so it runs wild. I have no idea how to shield myself from everyone’s feelings, so I feel everything from everyoneall the time. I have no management over my powers.”
“But you can learn now,” Emma insisted. “That’s what the university is for.”
“I’m still behind.” Alexei scowled. “Some days, I think I’ll never catch up.”
Alexei quaked against the cold, but I didn’t think it had anything to do with the chill. “I’d put my past behind me. I thought I’d gotten over it, then we went to the Pool of Memory last semester, and the pool replayed the memories from my childhood, stuff I could never forget.”
Alexei shivered. “Ever since, I can’t get it out of my head.”
“Alexei, you could’ve told us this before. We wouldn’t have been upset,” Emma said.
“I was worried you’d kick me out,” Alexei said. “I never had true friends before— real friends. I know you all hate the cult, and I didn’t want to lose any of you. Then I saw how Ethan killed the cultists on the night of the masquerade, and I thought if I told the truth, he’d want to kill me, too.”
Shame infected my insides. This wasn’t the first time I’d been sorry for slaughtering cultists, and the more time that passed gave me more reason to regret my actions. This time, I’d hurt a companion. “I’d never want to kill you, Alexei. You’re my friend.”
“I’m surprised you still use the term now.”
“Of course I do.” I clapped him on the shoulder, and he flinched slightly. “You had no control of your situation. And I’m beginning to see that a lot of cultists don’t, either. They’re pawns for the real people in power.”
“That’s where you’ve been late at night, isn’t it?” Emma said suddenly. “You’re out in Dolinska, trying to track down the cult.”
Alexei nodded. “I haven’t talked to my parents since I left. But I do still have connections to the cult, people who managed to get out, like I did. If we can find them, we can find the griffin stone, and since I used to be a part of them, I feel like it’s my responsibility to find it.”
“Do you think Odette’s vision was right?” I asked.
“I know it was. I’m certain I know which acolyte has the griffin stone, I just can’t prove it,” Alexei said. “Once we find him, the griffin stone will be ours.”
“This isn’t just about the Crystals of Harmony. Is it, Alexei?” Emma asked.
Alexei’s knuckles cracked as his hands became fists. “One day, I want to get revenge on the cult. I want to find them and set all those children free, and kill all the acolytes for what they’ve done. It’s my greatest goal in life to attain vengeance. But it’s been so hard. The cult is powerful, and I’m just one person.”
“You have us,” I insisted. “It was my father’s greatest work to disband the cult, and I’m here to continue his legacy.”
“I know you loved your father, Ethan. And I have no doubt he was trying to do the right thing. But in some aspects, he made my life harder when he started his campaign against the Black Claw,” Alexei said. “Cultists weren’t seen as victims. We were painted as murderers and villains. That left a lot of us nowhere to go when we finally decided to leave.”
I nodded thoughtfully. “Then we’ll have to try a different tactic. I’m sorry, Alexei, for everything you’ve gone through. None of it was your fault. I can’t blame you for not telling us sooner.”
