“I’m going to wait with Lyla. Why don’t you guys head back to the house?” I tell them.
They all turn to leave except one.
“Hey, Lyla?” Jason stops in front of her.
She looks up at him.
“The pain of losing a parent is tough. It will stay with you for the rest of your life, but it does get better. There will be days you don’t even think about the pain. You only remember the good times. Hold out for those days.” He reaches out and squeezes her shoulder.
“Thank you, Jason. You have been a good friend to me,” she tells him.
He doesn’t say another word as he leaves.
We follow slowly, walking in silence. When we get to her brother’s car, Lyla leans against it, pulling away from me.
“We should talk,” she starts.
“We don’t have to do that right now,” I cut in.
“I want to. We are liars, Wyatt. We lied to my dad. He thought you were my boyfriend. We let things go too far. We crossed lines. Now he’s gone, and he will never know that it was never real. That breaks my heart,” she whispers.
“Lyla, I know how we started wasn’t ideal, but that’s not what it’s like. I have so much to tell you, but I don’t want to do it today. Today is for your dad.” I try to urge her to shelf this for another time.
Funerals are not the place to make life decisions.
Lyla will hear none of it, though.
“I know you mean well, but I can’t focus on this right now. I have to figure out how I am going to live without him, and having to deal with whatever this is between us is too much. It’s not fair to either of us. I want to stop. I don’t want to be your fake girlfriend anymore.”
I step closer. “Then don’t. Be my real girlfriend.”
Her eyes tear up. “I can’t. Not right now. I can’t be anything right now. I’m barely functioning. I need to do this for me. Please don’t make this harder than it already is.”
I know what she is saying. If I push her, she will likely give in. She will agree to be my girlfriend, but at what cost? Will she always look back and see this moment as a joyous one? Probably not. She will remember it as the day her father died. The day she begged for space and I pushed because I couldn’t live without her.
Would she grow to resent me?
I can’t take that risk.
I let out a sigh. “This is not me giving up on you, Lyla. I don’t want this to end, but if that’s what you need right now? I will respect that like I have been respecting the space you have asked for. I will give you time to grieve, but know I am still right here. Always right here for you. I will wait as long as you need.”
“You don’t have to. I don’t know if I will ever change my mind.” Her tone is soft.
I step into her space, cupping her cheek. “Then I will wait forever. All I want is for you to be happy. I have stood on the sidelines before. I can do it again if that’s what you need.”
“You ready?” Will asks from behind us.
I press a quick kiss to her cheek before I step back. “Anything you need, Will, you call me. Got it?”
“Will do, Wyatt. Thanks again.” He waves at me from over the top of the car.
“The same goes for you,” I tell Lyla before I take a few steps backward. I don’t stop staring after the car until it’s long gone.
My heart hurts for Lyla. I wish I could make it better for her.
I might not be able to hold her hand right now, but I can wait for her.
After all, she is the woman I plan to marry.
