“Wow, I don’t envy Henry right now. Mira’s emotions are all over the place,” I try to joke, but it seems she’s giving me a taste of my own medicine.
Please say something, Kait. Even give me just a laugh.
She turns to put her back to me, and I don’t want this stupid misunderstanding to be the reason she’s ignoring me. There are a dozen other reasons why she should run from me, but the hug this morning isn’t one of them.
“Kaitlyn, nothing happened,” I say, hoping she’ll respond. Is this how my family felt when I shut them out? I can’t say it’svery fun being on the receiving end of the silent treatment. It was one thing when Hunter was icing me out, but it’s completely different with Kait. Everything is different with her. “It was ahug. We didn’t do anything wrong because nothing happened.”
“It felt wrong!” she snaps, finally giving me insight into why it was such a big deal for me to hug her. Kaitlyn exhales sharply, covering her face with her hands. “That’s the problem, Bailey, because even though nothing happened, it stillfeltwrong.”
I look at my hands, forcing myself to keep a smile from forming. If a simple hug from me is enough to make her feel guilty, I don’t think I’m wrong to hold out hope she might still have feelings for me.
I wonder what Kait would think if she knew exactly what kind of thoughts I’ve been having about her.
This shouldn’t make me happy, but damn it’s nice to hear after how badly I fucked up my chance with Kait. It doesn’t mean I have a chance, but it does make me feel like a piece of shit, considering she’s my twin’s girlfriend.
“I’m sorry my hug sucked so much it made you run away. but I won’t do it again, I promise.”
Instead of laughing at my poor attempt to play it off, Kaitlyn stands up, reaching to tug on her necklace. “You don’t understand,” she mumbles, and I’m not going to be able to joke my way out of this.
I’m a little surprised we’ve made it this long without bringing up that night.
“I do. I’m sorry for pushing you away back then, but there were . . .” I trail off, trying to find a way to protect Hunter. Kaitlyn’s a wild card, and I don’t know what will happen if she finds out the truth. I just don’t want to be the reason for hurting my brother, despite how he hurt me. Two wrongs don’t make a right. “There was a lot of shit going on, and I wasscared. I acted like an asshole, but I want to be your best friend. We don’t need to make a simple hug out to be more than it was. It’s not like it was a kiss,” I add the last part to try and prove my point, but instead, there’s fury simmering in her eyes.
“Right. It’s not like it was a kiss, because if I’m remembering correctly, we’re pretending that never happened,” Kait says, throwing my words back at me. It hurts, even if I deserve it, but she’s no longer the girl from the rooftop who sat there and let me push her away.
She’s different, but so am I.
“There’s no excuse for how I acted toward you, but I had no malicious intentions this morning when I hugged you. You’re dating Hunter, and I respect that.”
Despite Kaitlyn saying it felt wrong, there’s nothing that’s ever felt more right than having her in my arms. I wasn’t thinking about myself or Hunter. I was thinking about Kaitlyn, and how she looked a little . . . lost. I just wanted to help.
I don’t want her to hide from me, but things are finally starting to get back to normal.
“B, I don’t know what the right thing to do here is,” she admits, stubbornness fading into uncertainty.
“You know me better than anyone.”
It’s the truth. She’s always seen me for who I am and never judged me for it.
“How can that be true when there’s so many secrets between us?” Kaitlyn asks, and if this didn’t involve other people, I’d take her face in my hands so she can look me directly in the eyes while I tell her anything and everything she wants to know. I’d tell her how she was the one I wanted to call every single day, just so I could hear her voice again. I’d tell her how the one time my resolution to only call JJ faltered, her voicemail picked up instead. I stayed on the line, trying to force words to come out, but nothing would.
“I told you all you had to do was ask.”
I think she knows I mean it too, and that’s why she hasn’t asked me again. If I’m ever lucky enough to have a chance with her again, I want it to be because it was her decision to ask. Not because I made it for her.
“I want to be your friend. Let me prove it to you. I’ll respect any boundary you have, but please, Javi needs you.”
I need you.
“I don’t want any lies or half-truths. I’d rather you say nothing at all, okay? And no more hugs. Just high fives and fist bumps.”
I relax in my seat, because those are easy terms to agree to. I’d give her anything she asked for.
“I promise my high fives and fist bumps are way better than my hugs anyway. Only the truth. I can do that.” I smile, feeling the same sparks of joy I did on my surfboard this morning with her. She makes everything brighter, like she’s the sun of my world.
Kaitlyn pinches the bridge of her nose, unable to hide the corners of her mouth curling upward in return. “Please don’t make me regret this.”
Second chances aren’t granted easily, and I won’t be careless with her again.
