My face and body are filling out with the regular meals, and the early morning surfing is helping me slowly tone what little muscles I have. I pulled out my old camera from the drawer I shoved it into years ago, and it’s felt like greeting an old friend again.
I’m a nervous wreck about the surgery tomorrow, but thedoctor has assured me Javi is in very capable hands. It would be worse to delay it.
My parents haven’t pressed me for more information, but I know they have questions. I can’t tell them everything, but I can at least give them something.
JJ and Marley invited me to go with them to Henry and Mira’s house to help with the nursery, but stalling this conversation isn’t going to make it any easier, so I told them I would go next time.
I find my parents in the living room where Mom’s working on her laptop with her feet in Dad’s lap while he reads a book. I’m surprised by the reading glasses he’s wearing, but he pulls them off when he sees me, setting them on top of his now closed book.
“Javi sleeping?”
I nod, swallowing the lump in my throat. “I was hoping I could talk to you? If you’re not busy,” I say, willing my voice not to shake.
Mom immediately closes her laptop, glancing at me. “Of course, B. What’s going on?”
I scratch the back of my neck as I sit down on the couch, trying to figure out the best place to start. “I want to clear some things up and explain.”
“Okay,” Dad says as Mom sits up, remaining close to him.I don’t know how I ever believed the worst of them.
“I, um . . . I wasn’t homeless the entire time. I didn’t go to New York until eight months after I left. I was staying with a family, but when I found out they were lying to me, I couldn’t stay. I was young and stupid.So fucking stupid,” I whisper the last few words, guilt twisting like agony in my chest.
I clear my throat, diverting my gaze from them to stare at a family picture on the wall from the last time we were all in France. Things were so different then. It doesn’t make me feel anybetter.
“I wanted to come back,” I admit, flinching when I hear a sharp intake. “I didn’t think I deserved to after everything I’d done, so I found my way to New York. Sometimes I stayed in homeless shelters, but I couldn’t always get into those. When I couldn’t, I started staying on the streets. I had a friend who helped me when she could, but Javi was a lifeline I didn’t know I needed. He gave me a purpose again when I felt so lost.”
“Bailey . . .” Dad trails off, and I wonder what he would say if he knew everything. I want to know how forgiving he’d be if he knew the truth of everything I’ve done. “You could have come back.”
I sniffle, wiping my nose on the back of my hand. “I know I fucked everything up. The way I treated you is something I’ve wished I could take back every day. I didn’t think it was possible for you to still love me after everything. I’m so sorry.” I dare to take a look at them, not knowing what to expect. Mom has silent tears streaming down her face, and I see nothing but sadness. There’s none of the anger I’m certain I deserve.
“It’s in the past, son. We forgave you a long time ago,” Dad says, and Mom wipes at her cheeks, her short hair brushing her shoulders.
“Weneverstopped loving you. There’s nothing you could say or do that would change the love we have for you,” she says, keeping her emerald-green gaze trained on me.
A weight feels lifted from my shoulders, and a shuddering sigh of relief loosens from my chest. I really needed to hear that. “Thank you.”
I was a child when I believed Dad would ever cheat on someone, or ever abandon a child. They still took me back with open arms, and I now know I couldn’t ask for better parents.
“Can I ask who you stayed with?” The way Dad phrasesthe question tells me how careful he’s trying to be with his wording.
My entire body tenses at the thought of Carter and Kiera. I was so eager to be seen and heard. I fell hook, line, and sinker for the first person to tell me a good story that he also believed to be true. They were nice, but I didn’t belong there. Once I found out the truth, I couldn’t stay—I didn’t want to either. I had pushed away my entire family for a lie.
If I tell them the truth now, it’ll only reopen old wounds.
I shake my head, wiping my nose again. “No. I’m sorry, but I don’t want to talk about them.”
Mom gets up to pull me into her arms, and I allow myself to relax into her embrace. “It’s okay. You’re home now.”
Home.
Isthis my home?
“I don’t do that anymore,” Uncle Owen protests, and Aunt Blake pats his shoulder.
“It’s okay to admit it, honey. It’s one of the things I’ve grown to love about you,” she says, causing everyone around the large dining table to laugh while his jaw drops.
My parents wanted to have a family dinner before Javi’s surgery tomorrow, but I think it’s also meant to be a last hurrah before the chaos of football takes control of our lives again.
JJ and Hunter leave soon for their summer training programs, and the Charlotte Blue Panthers are scheduled to start their training camp at the end of the month.
