“Maybe give me a second to answer before telling me I don’t have to hang out if I don’t want to?” Kaitlyn suggests, and I realize she’s right.
“Sorry,” I say, chuckling at my own eagerness.
“You’re good. I’m actually free later tonight if you wanna come over? My parents have some dinner with the partners at Dad’s accounting firm, so you and Javi could come over to bake cookies or brownies? Maybe build a fort and have a movie night?” she offers, and it’s good she included Javi. Being alone with Kaitlyn would be all too tempting, and I don’t need to burn the last bridge between me and my twin.
“Sounds good to me.”
“Great! Since you have my number again, will you text me when you’re on your way?”
“I can do that,” I agree, fist-pumping the air because I’m excited to see her today. Just being in the same room as Kaitlyn has to be enough for me.
The line clicks, and I drop the phone on my bed, unable to help the wide smile that pulls at my cheeks.
There’s a quick knock at my door, and JJ pokes his head in a moment later, faltering when he makes eye contact with me.
“Sorry, is this a bad time or . . .?” he trails off, and I’m not sure why he’s asking.
“No, why?”
JJ opens the door wider, his large frame filling the doorway. “Well, I’m not saying this to be rude, but you have a really big smile?”
I’m not proud of it, but I haven’t really allowed myself to be in a room alone with JJ. I hate that I asked him to carry the burden of my calls, and the pressure of it contributed to his addiction. I lined up the dates of his friend’s death, and realized the timing lined up with the last time I called JJ.
If I hadn’t tried to make myself feel better by calling JJ to say goodbye, he and his friend wouldn’t have been in the accident.
My smile slips, and I wonder how little I’ve been smiling if the sight of it is enough to make him do a double take. “Everything’s fine. Just smiling.”
“Good, it’s nice to see.” His shoulders relax, and JJ smiles back at me. “So, listen, I was about to head out for a run, but I wanted to ask if you wanted to join?”
“Me? Really?”
JJ tilts his head as if he’s confused by my surprise. “Well, yeah. You’re my brother. I want to spend time with you,” he says, as if the answer couldn’t be more obvious.
“Do you have an extra pair of running shoes?” I ask, and he smiles.
“Yeah, let me grab them,” JJ says, disappearing.
I’m glad I said yes because the feeling of running is exhilarating. It’s a different kind of running than the one I’ve been doing for far too long.
I keep up with JJ for the first mile and a half before I start to slow, lacking the stamina I used to have. JJ notices theinstant I start to lag behind, probably because of the way I’m gasping for air. My lungs are screaming in protest against the sudden exercise, and there’s a stabbing cramp in my side threatening to bring me to my knees.
My brother, on the other hand, is barely out of breath.
“You good?”
“Yep,” I wheeze, grabbing my side like it’s gonna do something to help.
“Let’s walk,” he suggests, and I feel bad he asked me to come because Hunter wouldn’t have had any problem keeping up with him.
I try breathing in deeply, shaking my head. “I can run. I’m fine.”
“Nope, we’re walking. Besides, I didn’t plan on us running the entire time. I wanted to get you out of the house. Thought it might be good if we could talk?”
My insides twist more than they already are, and I avoid looking at him by focusing on the path in front of us. “About what?”
“I know you know about the accident.” JJ’s tone is soft, and maybe it’s good we’re talking about it now. “I was going to wait and let you come to me, but then you didn’t.”
“I’m sorry about your friend. I never meant for the calls to put you under so much stress that you became . . .” I trail off, feeling my throat closing up. I’ve tried not to think about this. It’s just one more way I’ve hurt my family.
