My heart is finally starting to slow in my chest, even if breathing is difficult for an entirely different reason than before.
“An addict. It’s okay to say it. It’s the truth, even if it’s not a pretty one,” JJ says, and I glance over at him, squinting as the sun shines in my eyes. “B, I’m glad you called me. It was hard, but the only person to blame for my addiction is me. I made a mistake by thinking I could carry the world on my shoulders,and it ended up crushing me because I felt like I had to be perfect for everyone.”
I hear him, but it doesn’t stop me from feeling like he’s trying to spare me from more guilt. “Kait said the accident happened in January. Was it before or after I last called you?” I ask, and JJ sighs, staring off into the distance.
“I can’t lie to you. It was the same day, but Bailey, that doesn’t mean it was your fault. I was two months clean because of Asher. He was driving me to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting when the other driver ran the light, and I’ll never forget . . .” JJ’s voice cracks, causing him to falter. The sadness on his face is so blatant, I can’t help wanting to run from it. “I owe Asheverythingbecause of the kindness he showed me. I was going down a dark path, and he helped me find the light again. Then Marley helped me stay afloat when it would have been so easy to let my head slip under the surface again.”
“I’m sorry, JJ. I’m so fucking sorry.” If I had just come home, maybe none of this would’ve happened.
He clears his throat, resting his hand on my arm, drawing my eyes to him instead of the pavement. “I don’t want you to apologize.Imade decisions thatIhave to live with—not you.I’m eight months clean. I’m doing better, but I know what it looks like to carry secrets, and what it does to a person. It doesn’t have to be me, but I hope you let someone help you carry the weight. Nothing good will come from keeping everything locked inside,” JJ says, and his words hit me like a punch to the gut. Tears prick my eyes, and the secrets and emotions I’ve spent so long suppressing threaten to surface.
It’s too much.
I wipe my tears away with the back of my hand, walking away from JJ.
He’s right.
I have kept so many secrets wrapped tightly inside myself—some lingering for over two years. I’m a bomb rigged to explode. I’m not sure how much longer I can hide from them.
“Bailey!” JJ catches up to me easily, darting in front of me to force me to stop.
“What? I think we should run again,” I say, the urge to flee overwhelming the exhaustion weighing me down.
I flinch as JJ wraps his arms around me, pulling me into a hug. My arms remain limp at my sides, and the tears threatening to break loose finally fall. Eventually, I hug him back, but he doesn’t let go.
“I love you,” he says, sniffling as he does. “Please stop avoiding me because I’ve really missed you.”
I hold onto him as tightly as he’s holding me. “I’ve missed you too,” I choke out. “I’m proud of you for finding the light.”
“I’m proud of you for coming home.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Bailey
PAST
I didn’t mean to.Well, actually I did, but I forgot I’d changed the contact number on my student account to Mirabelle’s at the beginning of the year. I wanted them to call my parents—not my sister.
I know how fucking stupid it was to add vodka to my water bottle, but all I’ve heard my parents talk about the last couple of weeks is how they’re going to fix things with Mirabelle. I wonder what it’s like to be the favorite child, even when they’re mad at her.
She ruined everything when she left, and it’s like she doesn’t even care.
This morning, I sat there at breakfast listening to my parents debate whether they should reach out to her or not, and all I could think was,What do I have to do to make them notice me?
Hunter got to be my knight in shining armor, coming to rescue my drunk ass after Mirabelle called him. I didn’t expect him to bring Kaitlyn with him. I didn’t want her to be as disappointed in me as I am in myself.
It was a mistake, but it’s one I can’t take back.
The sound of the front door closing was enough to pull me from the light sleep I’d fallen into once I lay down on Kaitlyn’s parents’ couch. I heard Henry talking to Kaitlyn, but I don’t want to talk to Mirabelle.
It’s her fault all of this is happening. Everything was fine before she left and messed everything up. Fuck, I know how stupid it sounds to blame her. It’s not her fault Dad has a secret kid, but I wish she wasn’t so damn perfect all the time.
I’m afraid of the rage swirling inside me, and I don’t know how to make it go away.
There’s a rough shove to my shoulder, hard enough to jostle my entire body. “Leave me alone,” I mumble, my words slurring together as I swing an arm out, but Henry’s out of reach.
“Henry, I can wake him up,” Mira says from behind him, but a couple blinks help clear my vision to see Henry’s stony expression.
