My parents were surprised, but they understood after I explained how I’d been feeling about the future. I felt like a little kid again telling them I didn’t know who I was anymore, but it was so freeing to get it off my chest. I didn’t realize how heavy it was to carry until I didn’t have to anymore.
The sweatshirt I borrowed from Hunter is damp and clinging to me, but I’m glad I left my phone inside so I’m not left to stare at an unanswered text to my boyfriend.
Despite being soaked, I’m not cold. The rain is warm, even if I wish it were cold. It’d feel like more of a punishment then.
I pull my knees up to my chest as I hug them there, resting my chin.
I want him to understand where I’m coming from because this wasn’t an easy decision for me to make. I want to make Hunter happy, but I have to take care of myself too. I love him, but I won’t lose myself in him.
I’m actually excited to start working at the gallery next week. It doesn’t have to be my forever plan, but for now, it’s a pretty good one.
“You do know it’s raining, right?” a deep voice asks behind me, and I jump half out of my skin as my brother laughs. “You should be more observant,” Henry muses, taking a seat next to me in the sand.
“Didn’t think I had to be since I was by myself,” I grumble, nudging him with my elbow.
“You’re proving my point. What if I was a serial killer?”
I roll my eyes, not needing a lecture about hypotheticals right now. “Just because you’re going to be a dad, doesn’t mean you need to act like our dad.”
“How else am I going to practice?”
“Maybe try it on literally anyone but your sister,” I retort, and Henry has the nerve to laugh again.
“You’ve been out here a while,” he says, and I look back at the vast, churning water in front of us again.
“Guess so.”
“Did you know you’re gonna catch a cold if you stay out here much longer?”
A short laugh of disbelief escapes from me. “Wow, you really are leaning into this whole dad thing.”
“Hell yeah I am. I can’t wait.” I smile at hearing the pride in his voice, and I’m happy everything has worked out for him and Mirabelle. I know how badly they want this, and they deserve every bit of happiness they have.
“You excited about the gap year?”
“Yep.” The gap year is actually the last thing I want to talk about.
Henry hesitates, taking a deep breath. “Kait, I want you to know that you could have talked to me about it. I get things are different, but at the end of the day, I’m still your brother. I’ll always have your back.”
I feel tears welling up in my eyes, and I wipe my cheeks with my sleeve. It doesn’t do much since the sleeve is already wet from the rain, but I straighten my legs out. “I know, but it was hard to admit I have no idea what I want to do with my life. It seems like everyone else has it all figured out, and I’m being left behind. It’s overwhelming and terrifying, but it feels stupid to get so worked up about it.”
“The older I get, the more I seem to realize no one actually has their life figured out. If it seems like they do, they’re just better at pretending than everyone else. It’s not stupid, but it is terrifying.” He wraps an arm around my shoulder, pulling me into a brief side hug. “You’ll figure it out, but I want you to talk to me next time you feel like this, okay?”
I nod, hoping the tears falling are hidden by the rain. “Ididn’t tell anyone . . .” I trail off because it’s not the whole truth. I did tell someone.
“But?”
“Except Bailey. I talked to him about it.” And then Henry laughs, hard enough to double over. I glare at him, which only makes my brother laugh harder, but I’m glad he finds the mess I’ve created for myself so funny. “Are you done yet?” I ask, my voice flat.
“Please tell me you’re kidding,” he says, clearly not believing me, but his smile fades when I say nothing. “Oh shit, you really told Bailey instead of Hunter?”
I feel my face warm, and all I can do is nod.
“So that’s why Hunter was moping around the house like a kicked puppy before he left.”
“Have you talked to him? Is he okay?” I ask, my heart beating frantically in my chest.
His mouth twists into a rueful smile. “I haven’t. That’s just how JJ described him to Mirabelle earlier,” he says, and I stretch my legs out in the sand. I’m mentally and physically exhausted. “It’ll be okay, Kait. Hunter just needs some time to cool off,” Henry says, but it doesn’t make me feel much better.
