Hunter turns to brush past JJ to leave, and a short puff of air escapes me.
Did this really just happen? Did I really tell everyone I deferred?
Marley jolts me out of my daze by gently resting her hand on my arm. “You might want to go after him,” she suggests quietly, and my brain kicks into autopilot.
I take off after Hunter, brushing past my mom, who is still gaping at me. I can hear the slam of his door from the stairs, and I know Bailey’s intention wasn’t to tell everyone, but it wasn’t a bad idea. Icouldwork at the gallery.
Wait, shit.I have to focus on the problem at hand, and that would be the tantrum my boyfriend is currently throwing.
I open the door, spotting Hunter looking through his dresser. “Hunt, I’m sorry.”
His entire body tenses, but he won’t turn back to look at me. “If you were sorry, you wouldn’t have done it,” he says, his voice thick with emotion.
“I can be sorry and still make the same choice. I was going to tell you,” I say, shaking my head. I know Hunt doesn’t do well with change, but this wasn’t about him. It was about me.
“When? Because Bailey was the only person in there who didn’t seem surprised to hear that you deferred.” Hunter turns to look at me, and my breath catches from the silent blow of watching him wipe at his eyes before meeting my gaze.
Is he mad that Bailey knew, or that I changed my mind about going back to Duke?
I take a moment to breathe in, choosing my words carefully. “I only mentioned to Bailey I was considering deferring—not that I had done it.”
The technicality doesn’t make it sound much better. Hunter scoffs, rubbing the back of his neck. “What about our plans, Kaitlyn? Why didn’t you tell me you were considering deferring?”
Really? When was I supposed to do that? His older brother is newly sober, his sister is pregnant with twins, his twin just surfaced after disappearing two and a half years ago, and I’m supposed to bring my shit up to him?
“They’reyourplans, Hunter. I’m happy you see me as part of your future, but I don’t think it’s wrong to make a decisionby myself for myself.” I cover my mouth in surprise, because I can’t believe I said it, even if it wasn’t wrong. He decided everything and that’s not fair.
“Then why didn’t you say anything?” Hunter’s cool temper slips as his voice raises.
“Because I couldn’t! You have had so much shit going on, and I didn’t want to pile more onto you. I was trying to find the right time to tell you, I just didn’t know how.”
Hunter drags his hands through his hair before bracing them on the back of his head, his arms flexing in the process. “You couldn’t tellme—your boyfriend of almost three years—but you could tell Bailey who’s been back all of five minutes? Do you know how messed up that is?”
“How was I supposed to tell you when I knew this is how you would react? I love you, but this decision wasn’t about you. It was about me, and figuring out who I am,” I explain, trying to collect myself, so one of us is level-headed.
“That’s literally what college is for. Why can’t you figure it out there?”
“Because I don’t want to waste my college fund on a degree I picked after running out of time. I want my degree to mean something, even if I don’t know what it is yet. I get that college is a stepping stone for you to get to the NFL, but not everyone’s path is the same,” I reason, hoping he can understand where I’m coming from. My parents are well-off, but they don’t have the millions Sebastian made playing professionally. I know they would support me if I picked wrong, but I don’t want to put them in that position. Henry would have also offered in a heartbeat, but I would feel guilty taking money from him. “Hunt, the distance is the same from Duke to Oceanside compared to Wilmington to Oceanside. It’s not like I’m moving across the country?”
I didn’t do this to hurt him.
“It’s different, Kaitlyn,” he says, taking a step back,and I fight back tears as the distance between us grows. “I don’t understand, and I’m sorry I don’t. I’ve never thought of them as my plans—they were our plans. I thought they were something we both wanted.”
“It’s not that I don’t want them. I?—”
Hunter shakes his head, wiping his nose on the back of his hand. “You just don’t know what you want. Maybe next time you make a huge decision that impacts both of us, you’ll come to me instead of my brother.”
What’s his deal with Bailey? Yes, I should have told Hunter first, and maybe I’m overthinking this, but I don’t think my decision impacts him very much. The distance is the same, and we’ll both be busy with our own schedules. I guess if he’s talking about me needing an extra year to finish my degree, but again, Hunter will be in his rookie season then.
“Bailey is my friend, but I’ll come to you first next time,” I promise, but his body is still coiled with more tension than a snake poised to strike.
His tanned features harden, and I expect him to shy away from me like he usually does when I talk about Bailey, but he doesn’t. It makes my stomach sink.
“That Bailey is not the one we used to know, and the sooner you accept it, the less it’ll hurt when he leaves again.”
The rain has picked up from a light mist to a drizzle, but it’s fitting for the pity party I’m throwing for myself on the beach. Everyone else is inside, trying to wait out the rain for the fireworks later tonight. I felt like I was bringing the mood down, and escaping out here felt like the best solution.
Hunter ended up leaving town at the last second to visit one of his teammates for the Fourth of July, but it feels like he’s running away from me. We’ve hardly spoken since ourargument. I left to give him space to think, but it’s been five days of short text exchanges. The thought of it makes my stomach hurt.
