“Javi,” I say, and her smile widens, making me feel dizzy again.
“Bring Javi with you, and we can look for shark teeth.”
All I can manage is a nod, stepping around her to find Javi, who hopefully isn’t still in the shower—but it wouldn’t shock me if he is.
Surprisingly, he’s in my room, already dressed—even though his shirt is on backward—going through my drawers.
“You find anything in there?” I ask, causing Javi to turn around, a bright smile on his face.
“This place is so cool!” His joy helps ease some of my anxiety.
“I’m glad you like it, but I have something to show you.”
“Are we leaving already? We just got here,” Javi protests, and I ruffle his damp hair.
“We’re staying, but I have something even cooler than my room for you to see.”
A small laugh slips from him, and he shuts the drawer of my desk, still filled with old pictures I’d taken.
“You’re going to stay with me, right?”
“I’m never going to leave you, Javi,” I promise, and he reaches to grab two of my fingers, holding them tight in his tiny fist.
I underestimated what it would be like to be near Kaitlyn again. How easily she makes me forget all the mistakes I’ve made and every reason I shouldn’t still want her. It’s temporary—all of this is temporary, even if it’s what I’ve spent the last two years dreaming of.
My parents aren’t sitting on the deck anymore when we walk down the stairs, and Kaitlyn is sitting on the top step of the stairs leading down to the beach.
“Who is that?” Javi asks, pulling on my hand.
“Her name is Kaitlyn, and she’s my friend,” I answer, trying not to overthink it. I glance down at him to offer a reassuring smile, and Javi’s dark eyebrows are bunched together.
“Like Luna?”
I smile at the reminder of the only other good thing to come out of the last three years. “Yeah, kind of like Luna.”
Kaitlyn turns, standing up, and I somehow manage to keep my jaw from falling at the sight of her long, tanned legs and the way they make her ripped denim shorts seem indecently short. “You boys coming or not?” she says, directing abright smile at Javi that I think I might be jealous of. I remember when she used to smile at me like that.
My legs are sore after the walk from the bus stop this morning, but the sounds of waves crashing and the smell of the ocean are a siren call I can’t resist.
Javi asks Kaitlyn a question, giving me a second to gather my thoughts, and it helps loosen the weight of the guilt sitting on my chest.
JJ has a sponsor for an unknown reason. My parents seem to be doing okay, but seeing them again has only hardened my resolve they don’t need to know the truth behind why I left. I don’t know if JJ ever told them I was living on the streets, but JJ doesn’t even know how long I was. It was a slip in the heat of the moment. He was never supposed to know.
How close do I let myself get to everyone while I’m back, if I know the pain when I leave again is inevitable?
I can’t stay.
I don’t fit into their adapted family, and while I can’t change the past, maybe this time I can give everyone closure instead of allowing them to hang onto this notion I’m going to stay. I’m afraid if they know I’m leaving, it’ll hurt any chance of Javi getting the help he needs.
My brain is moving at full speed, not even realizing Javi’s let go of my hand, and we’ve stopped walking. I think Kaitlyn says my name, and I clear the lump from my throat, blinking the mist from my eyes.
“He does this sometimes,” Javi says to Kaitlyn, and the salt in the air is thick.
“I know. B used to disappear into his head all the time,” she says, and I fight smiling.
Javi gasps. “You call him that too?”
“Everyone in his family does,” she says, casting a faint smile in my direction.
