“I . . . maybe I shouldn’t ask this, but I can’t keep not knowing. Why did you leave, Bailey?” Mom asks, and I’m glad some things never change.
I’ve tried to put it into words a thousand times when I’d imagine this moment. I had it planned out, but now that I’m actually here face to face with my parents, admitting what happened won’t change anything. I can’t take any of it back, and all the truth will do is hurt them.
I’ve hurt them enough. I want to move forward for the time I’m here.
“I was angry—blinded by anger when I should’ve just talked to you. Leaving felt like the best option for everyone.I’m—” My voice cracks, and I feel like a kid for the first time in a long time. “I’m sorry I hurt everyone.”
Mom shakes her head, clasping her hands in front of her. “You leaving was not the best option for anyone. We tried so hard to find you, but it was like you’d disappeared from the face of the earth. We’re not perfect. I know we’ve made mistakes, but I’m so sorry you felt like you couldn’t come to us,” she says, mustering a smile, but her vibrant green eyes are watering. “Weneverstopped looking for you.” Mom’s voice is hoarse now, and Dad reaches to cover her hands with his, holding them tight in silent support.
This is too much.Rehashing the past and reconciliation aren’t what I came here for. I shove my emotions into the furthest part of my brain, slamming the door shut on the cage I’ve trapped myself in. “Thank you for letting Javi and me stay here. I really appreciate it,” I say, but my head is spinning. I don’t know what to think, but not being able to separate my thoughts from my feelings is where things always seem to go wrong for me.
“Bailey—” Mom begins to say, but Dad cuts her off.
“Of course. It’s still your home. It always will be.”
I jerk my head into a nod, standing up to retreat. “Excuse me,” I mumble, and I turn toward the doors when my wrist is grabbed. I whirl around, my brain automatically triggering thefightin fight-or-flight, and Mom’s eyes widen in surprise.
It’s a spur of the moment decision, but before I can stop myself, I pull her into a hug, breathing in the scent of her familiar perfume. Mom’s arms fold around me, and I don’t let go. I never thought I’d be able to do this again.“Je t’aime tellement,”?1 she says, her voice strong and unwavering. She’s always been reliable—the beacon shining true in a hurricane.
The use of French brings tears to my eyes, pullingme back to reality. The one where the only way I’ll be able to leave again is if I keep my distance and step out of the embrace I initiated, succumbing to my flight response.
My goal is to hide in my room, but I’m not sure if that’s the best option. I need to think and clear my head, but there are too many memories threatening to overpower my resolution to leave again once Javi is better.
I turn the corner quickly to go upstairs to find Javi when I run straight into Kaitlyn. I react again without thinking, steadying her before she can fall.
Kaitlyn’s doe eyes blink, her head tipping back to look up at me as she inhales a sharp breath. “Hi,” she whispers, and the softness of her voice causes my head to ring. She’s changed out of the rash guard she was wearing earlier, but the neckline of her crop top has slipped, teasing the orange strap against her tanned skin.
God, she’s fucking beautiful.
Kaitlyn’s dark hair is pulled back into a braid, her cheeks and the tip of her nose are rosy with the beginnings of a sunburn, and lastly, the full pink lips I shouldn’t be looking at that have haunted me for two years now.
She’s dating your brother.
“Sorry, wasn’t looking where I was going,” I mumble, removing my hands from where they’re lingering on her shoulders, despite how much I don’t want to. I’d like to make that clear, even if it’s only to myself.
“It’s okay,” Kaitlyn says, before tilting her head. “Are you okay?” she asks, fidgeting with the bottom of her shirt.
I can’t help the soft laugh that escapes me because no, I’m not okay. I’m so far from being okay I don’t know how I’ll ever find my way back. “I’ll be fine,” I force out, taking a step back to put space between us.
She hesitates, glancing upstairs where I assume my brotheris. I’ve never known Kaitlyn to hesitate about anything, but I’ll add it to the growing list of things that’ve changed.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I’m afraid if you ask me, I’ll tell you anything you want to know.
“I don’t think Hunter would be very happy about that,” I say, making a point to bring him into the conversation for my own sake.
Kaitlyn frowns, her demeanor shifting. “You’re right. He probably wouldn’t, so it’s a good thing Hunt’s my boyfriend, instead of my keeper. I’m allowed to do what I want.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way.” I try to backtrack, because all I was trying to do was remind myself she’s not mine.
“It’s been a while, but we’re still friends,” she says, giving me a smile that makes me forget every reason being alone with Kaitlyn is a bad idea.
I shouldn’t even be considering this, but I’ve never been able to tell her no. Except the one time I did, and I ruined everything.
“Do we have to stay in the house to do it?” I ask, feeling like I’m crawling out of my skin, caught in the landslide of mistakes I’ve made with no escape.
“We can walk on the beach if you want? You could bring . . . um, I’m sorry, I don’t know his name?”
