“In an ideal world, I’d maybe go to college.” He shrugs. “The world’s not ideal, though.”
I nod, feeling awkward and privileged all of a sudden, even though I’m really not. I’m counting on scholarships, and if I don’t get one, then that’s it for me and college.
“Want to watch a movie?” Terrell asks, now up from the chair, leaning beside his TV.
“Sure, I don’t mind anything.” All I watch are kid films because of my brothers. I stopped watching movies when I realized they were a magic trick. In real life, prom isn’t the best night of your life. In real life, your first time is with a boy called Scotty in the back of his dad’s Rolls-Royce. In real life, parents aren’t together. Not even close. In real life, your dad, the only person who’d probably get your music struggles, is behind bars.
Terrell looks back at me. “White Chicksit is.”
He puts the disk in, then stands, his big ears poking out, before climbing over the coffee table and taking a seat next to me, closer than I was expecting. I can smell his cologne, fruity but at the same time not. It’s a hard scent to figure out.
“Ever watched this before?”
I shake my head.
“It’s funny, one of my favorites.”
My palms are sweaty. “I’ll probably like it, then. I’m quite easy.”
Terrell laughs. “Easy, huh?”
My face burns.
“Didn’t mean it like that,” I say, smiling, leaning back now.
“Sure, either meaning is good for me.”
I raise an eyebrow but say nothing.
I hadn’t given it proper thought before, but now I can’t stopthinking about it: the fact that Terrell seems to be open about his sexuality and so casual about it. It’s not something you can be casual about around here.
The way he told me we’d kissed—that I was his first kiss—was so casual too. And weird. I know I couldn’t have kissed Terrell. I’d remember something like that, especially in middle school. I always remember kisses because they always mean something.
My first girl-kiss was with Rhonda White in third grade. She was also my first girlfriend, and I really liked her. I thought her Afro was pretty cool. She ended up dumping me for some fifth grader, which I got completely. There were no hard feelings.
My first boy-kiss, though, was Scotty, and that wasn’t until the end of freshman year, when I finally figured myself out. My first everything was with Scotty, really. I don’t regret it, though. I don’t like regretting things, even things with bad endings.
A weight on my foot pulls me out of my thoughts, and I look down, jumping back when I see a tiny ball of fur with claws and a tail.
“Is that a rat?!” I shout, bringing my feet up onto the couch, looking away from whatever it was that violated my foot.
“That’s Bullshit—”
“I felt something!”
Terrell looks amused by my discomfort.
“Yeah, I know.” He bends over and lifts something up onto his lap. “It was my cat, Bullshit. Didn’t know he was in here. Sorr—”
“Who the fuck names their cat Bullshit?” I ask, face warm as I try to distract from how much I embarrassed myself just now. The cat sits on Terrell’s thighs, staring up at me with its honey-colored eyes. It meows casually, like it didn’t just give me a mini heart attack.
Terrell shrugs. “The name suits him.”
He looks serious, stroking the cat with one hand. It’s so small it could probably fit in Terrell’s palm.
“Any more surprise pets you want to warn me about?” I ask, placing my feet on the floor again.
Terrell shakes his head. “What? You don’t like animals?”
