I bite back a laugh as I follow her to the kitchen.Because somehow, even in the middle of a storm, this kid finds a way to let in the light.
And maybe—if I’m lucky—I’ll be part of that light too.
ChapterFifty-Three
Mara
I wake up exhausted with an ache behind my ribs that feels like a bruise that can’t be reached or healed.My eyes feel gritty.That’s usually what happens when you spend half of the night crying.
Crying until ...I couldn’t stay awake or gave up, or ...I couldn’t handle the truth.A truth that is still unbelievable.Lina was my ‘birth mother.’
My favorite aunt was not just another person in the family, but the one who birthed me.The woman who also abandoned me without a goodbye because I needed money for my treatments.How can you be mad at this kind of sacrifice?That’d make me a selfish bitch, which I’m not.
She was my mother, and she sacrificed a lot.
I’m not sure what to do or think.I feel the edges of myself start to come loose.So I do what I’ve always done: I focus on structure.Routine.Function.
First I’ll shower, then have breakfast.Which at ten—when Mila is in the middle of a lesson—will look weird.Alec is in the kitchen pretending not to be paying attention toMr.Science.The moment he sees me, he starts the kettle and drags out a mug.He kisses my cheek and it’s endearing how much he’s trying to be careful with me and act like everything is normal at the same time.
I want to beg for more but I don’t because there’s not an “us” established between us.The last thing I want is to send mixed signals to Mila.Once he prepares my breakfast, we head outside to the balcony.
“How are you feeling?”
“Like my entire life was a lie,” I confess.
“It’s natural,” he says.
Not sure if this is natural, but I don’t want to discuss or confront what I figured out last night—or the conversation with my mother, so I say, “It’s over.I’ll call the lawyer later today or maybe tomorrow to see next steps.This is what they wanted me to find out, right?I get why she left me everything she owned.No need to stick around for a year.I could see if my agent has a gig or two.”
He takes my hand and kisses it.“We could start by calling the lawyer.Yes.”
“You don’t like my plan, do you?”I narrow my gaze.“You wanted me gone.”
“No, I ...”he sighs.“Listen, if you want to leave tomorrow, I’ll get us a jet and take you wherever you need to.”
His offer is so sweet.
“You like your house,” I remind him.
“It’s just a penthouse.”He smiles timidly.“You’re a lot more important than the house.”
I open my mouth then close it and choose to eat my breakfast before I say something stupid.I’m not in a good place to make any decisions, including my whereabouts.Mila is enjoying this new ...whatever it is.I wouldn’t want to take it away from her just because my aunt and my mother decided to fuck up my life.
The rest of the day is more normal.Sure, I have all these crazy thoughts spiraling on the back of my head but none of them matter.
I get Mila ready for karate, pack her snacks, check athat her braids are tied into a bun, make sure she has those stupid frog sticker she insists brings her luck.
I do everything right.I smile at the receptionist at the academy of martial arts.I kiss the top of Mila’s head before she runs inside.And then, I turn toward the street and decide to run.Run fast and as far as I can.It’s not like anyone will catch me.Except of course from Alec who has been silently following me around and is now running with me.
When I stop, he’s right next to me.“We might have to take a cab to go back,” he states.
I laugh, hysterically.
“You really don’t follow the rules of grief.”
I look at him.“Are there any rules?”
“There are seven steps,” he states as a matter of fact, just like he does everything else.“Which is totally fine.I just need you to breathe.”
