And that feels like hypocrisy. It feels like proof that it’s not actually about being good, it’s about control.
Like I usually do in situations like this, I think about Frankie. She pops into my mind, looking like she did when we first met,her eyes sparkling, her hands reaching for something—a plane ticket, a new food for us to explore, the hand of a stranger.
If she was here, she’d tell me the same thing she told me about my family when she was alive. Similar to what Dane said the second time we slept together.It’s your life to live, Lucy. And you only get one.
“If you’ll have me, I want to stay.” Now, I manage that level, controlled voice. First, I meet Dane’s eyes, crinkled with worry around the edges. Nico’s, sparkling with anticipation for what I’m going to say. Cole’s, darting all over my face and body, like he’s still searching for what’s wrong, trying to figure out how he can make it better.
He’s already making it better. They’re all making it better.
“I’ve always been like this.” Once I start, I can’t stop the words from tumbling out. I laugh and scrub my hand against my cheek. “Part of the reason why I hadn’t—why I was a virgin—I wasneverinterested in boys my age. Not in high school, not in college. God, I crushed on all the professors. When I had sex dreams, it was usually with more than one person. This is who I am. This is how I love. I…”
I realize I’ve come scarily close to admitting to them that I love them. My heart pumps furiously. Do I love them? What does that even look like?
Dane reaches out and takes my hands, “You want to stay.”
“I do,” I nod. “We’re not hurting anyone. And I’m having fun. It feels good to be with you.”
Nico nudges his shoulder into mine, “We’re going to have to talk about that professor thing, at some point.”
“Explains why she’s so into Cole,” Dane jokes. He almost never jokes, and I can see it comes from the relief, from the ease we have with one another now.
Letting out a growl of frustration and desire, I roll my eyes and surge forward, climbing on my hands and knees, grabbingthe front of Dane’s pajama top before I smash my lips against his.
Chapter 36
Nico
Isit behind Lucy, watching her kiss Dane and staring at the ridiculous way her lacy pink panties barely cover anything. Dane’s large shirt, the pajamas we decided to dress her in last night, flutters down over her ass, not covering much, like a tiny little dress.
Lucy lets out a little moan, and I’m touching myself before I realize what’s happening. Dane grabs her and pulls her forward, kissing her deeply, letting out his own cock. I notice his right hand on himself, stroking already. We’re fucking goners for this girl.
Dane woke us up early this morning and forced us to debrief on the situation. When he first suggested that we offer to send her back to Missouri, to break it off if that’s what she wanted, Cole had protested.
Then, like he does frequently, he seemed to have some sort of back and forth in his head, and resignedly gave into the idea. He wanted to be the one to wait with her, to see when she would wake up.
I didn’t even admit to myself how devastated I would have been if she’d decided to go back home.
Last night, in the room with her parents, I’d wanted to clobber the motherfucker. We might be the same age, but Cole, Dane, and I all take good care of our bodies. Mr. Beer Gut wouldn’t have stood a chance against us.
But I didn’t go for him, not even after he caught Lucy in the crossfire, because I was thinking about her first. It’s probably the first time in my life I was thoughtful before being impulsive, and I know it’s Lucy who’s caused this change in me.
So we agreed to let her go, if that’s what she wanted. I wouldn’t let myself think about howImight feel, how we all would feel. Because if I’d allowed myself to think about the feeling of her leaving, I wouldn’t have been able to set her free. Make it clear that we wouldn’t expect her to choose us over her family.
And yet, she did.
As Dane kisses Lucy, Cole groans and shifts forward, off his ass and onto his knees, bending his body over her and concealing the sweet sight of her ass from me. Even though that’s gone, I see the way she rocks back into him, and the idea of Cole straining against her underwear, close to penetrating her—well, that’s just as hot.
“Dane,” Lucy gasps out his name and reaches for him, but Dane is standing up, his hand on his cock, still stroking, as he backs up from us. I know that look in his eye, and it sends a thrill through me.
I wondered when something like this might happen.
“Nico,” Dane orders, his eyes meeting mine, blown out and black. “Get on your back.”
Normally, I’d push back against an order like this, but I know he’s about to start bossing Lucy around too, andthat’sgoing to get me even harder, if that’s possible. So, I do what he asks, sliding to the middle of the bed, knocking against Cole, who’ssitting back on his heels, breathing hard and clearly a little confused.
“Lucy,” Dane growls, his gaze shifting to the woman still on all fours, her skin flushed. From this angle, with Cole sitting back again, I can see her ass again. It’s a great view. “Get Nico’s cock out.”
Fuck.
