“Is Sloane okay?” Becca shouts and my heart seizes because Becca sounds so worried.
“She’s fine, sweetie. In fact, she’s home.”
I hear Becca gasp and then her footsteps pick up pace as she rounds the corner and freezes as soon as she spots me. I stand next to the kitchen island, hoping I can use it as a crutch because I’m not sure I can support myself just yet. Becca looks so good. Her hair is still long, and her face is just as lovely as I remember, but now there is a maturity about her. Plus, she’s wearing glasses which adds a touch of sophistication. She’s wearing a flowing skirt that brushes her ankles and a plain white tank top. Becca looks effortlessly beautiful, and so different from the college girl I saw two years ago.
“Sloane,” she gasps.
Nibbling on my lip, I summon the courage to give her a pathetic wave. The rest of my courage goes to fortify my nerves as I wait for the onslaught of angry words I’m sure Becca wants to launch my way.
In one swift move, Becca hurries forward and opens her arms. My body slams into hers as she hugs me so tight I struggle to breathe.
“Becca… Becs,” I rasp.
Suddenly, I’m thrust back as Becca studies me from head to foot. Her hands clamp on my upper arms as if she’s scared I’ll disappear again if she lets go. No sooner has she finished her full body scan than I’m drawn in to another hug, and that’s when I hear her crying, which makes me tear up.
“I’m sorry,” I hiccup into her neck. “I’m so sorry, Becca.”
Another set of arms engulfs us, and I peer up to see Mom sniffling as she holds us both.
A few minutes pass before any of us are in a fit state to talk. Mom pulls away first, cups my face and smiles. “Why don’t you and Becca sit by the pool. I’ll bring out some drinks.”
Wiping away the last of my tears, I look at Becca. I want her to be in control of the interaction for now. She wipes under her eyes and gives me a brilliant smile.
“That sounds perfect,” she replies, taking my hand and leading me outside. “Don’t forget the Doritos, Mrs. B,” she calls over her shoulder, making Mom and me laugh. I’m glad some things haven’t changed.
We sit at the table, both looking at the other with smiles on our faces. I’m so happy to see her.
“You cut your hair too,” she says softly. “It looks good.”
My fingers automatically reach up to my new beach wave long bob. I’ve only ever had long hair, so it’s taken a little bit of getting used to, but I love it. I needed a fresh start, and my hair was the easiest of all the things I wanted to change.
“Thank you,” I say awkwardly. I had a whole speech ready for when Becca had finished reaming me out, but that hasn’t happened and now I’m a little lost.
Becca cocks her head to the side. “It’s not just your hair that looks good, Sloane. You seem…healthier.”
I swallow back a fresh set of tears. “I’m getting there. I…Becca…”
“I know you’re going to say sorry, and I appreciate it. I’m not going to let you off the hook completely because you hurt me, Sloane. But…and this is important, I do forgive you. I know you’ve needed time to figure shit out, and I really hope you being here means that’s happened.”
I nod, lean over, and take her hand. “I’m much better than the last time you saw me, that’s for sure. I…I’d like to explain, if that’s okay with you?”
Mom interrupts with a tray of fresh lemonade—that I’m pretty sure she has in bulk somewhere—and Becca’s Doritos.
“I’ll be in the living room if you need anything,” she says to both of us.
Once Mom is inside, I take a deep breath and return my full attention to Becca. “Two years ago, I was at rock bottom,” I begin. “My anxiety and stress were completely out of control, and I felt like I was drowning. Every day became a struggle to get up, let alone function at the level needed to pass my courses. The anxiety meds weren’t helping, and the negative voices in my head became so loud I couldn’t hear anything else.”
Becca squeezes my hand in support.
“I…I started partying instead of asking for help because I just wanted a rest from it all. I was sick of feeling out of control. Obviously, the more I partied the further behind I got. Then it was a rush to catch up, which meant I had to choose between homework and talking to you guys on our weekly chats, etc. Eventually, our chats became another source of stress.”
Becca furrows her eyebrows but remains silent.
“I felt like I was letting you all down every time I had to cancel a call or didn’t reply to our text thread. My brain reasoned it was best to step away. Stop you all from having to deal with my shit.”
“Sloane.”
“I know, I know. But at the time, I was convinced it was the right thing to do. After I asked Eden for space, I fell further into the black hole that had become my life. Every time I thought of college, I panicked. Every time I thought of you, Eden, and the others, I panicked. There was no respite.”
