I should give Luke a call,he thinks.I should tell him how sorry I am.
When he’s sober, of course. He may not be drinking as much as he did while he was with the Heartthrobs, but he still indulges a bit too much and ends up being a sloppy drunk.
You’ll just chicken out like you always do,a voice in his head says nastily.You can never handle just having an honest conversation with anyone, let alone Luke Carter.
Damian, who always seems to have a sixth sense for knowing what Mikey is thinking, waves his glass of wine at him, causing some of it to slosh over the sides and onto the floor.
“And don’t you even think about calling Luke Carter,” he slurs. “Nothing good can come of it. Mark my words.”
Damian’s even more annoying than usual when he’s drunk. He acts and talks like he stepped out of a Victorian novel, with a style of speech he probably thinks made him sound elegant and sophisticated but which really just makes him sound like an ass.
Mikey almost says as much but decides it’s not worth picking a fight.
“I won’t,” he says instead, though he can hear how sullen his voice is.
Damian narrows his eyes at him.
“I really hope you don’t,” he says, “because, believe it or not, I actually do want what’s best for you, and I don’t think getting yourself involved with Luke Carter is going to help anything.”He pauses, like he’s in a performance and is oh-so-desperate for applause. When Mikey doesn’t give him any, he just pouts.
“I know you have something else to say,” Mikey says, “so why don’t you just come out and say it. I don’t really want to play one of those games only you seem to know the rules to.”
It’s not very often he talks to Damian like this and, to be honest, it’s pretty intoxicating. He likes feeling like he’s the one who’s in charge for once.
Damian crosses his legs and leans forward, and Mikey has to fight the urge to pull back. Something in his eyes…well, it’s a little frightening.
“I do, actually,” he says. “I think it’s high time someone tells the journalists just what a secret Luke Carter has been hiding from the world. It’s only fair, isn’t it? You’ve had to live a secret life, and you’ve done it really well. You’re always going along to get along, even though anyone can see you don’t like it. It’s better to give them someone else to pay attention to, someone else they can expose rather than you.”
He pauses, clearly waiting to see whether Mikey is going to get the drift of what he’s trying to say. Mikey, though, isn’t going to make it easy for him.
Damian sighs and rolls his eyes.
“Don’t you see? They’re going to start sniffing after you, especially given the way you were mooning after Luke tonight. Trust me. I know what I’m talking about. I’ve already fielded several very probing questions about your personal life, and I can’t keep putting them off forever. All it takes is one person looking at some photos and videos of the two of you any time you’re in the same space, and they’re going to start connecting the dots. They’re going to find out about your queerness sooner or later, unless we do what’s necessary.”
Even though Mikey has long ago made peace with his queerness, he doesn’t like the way the word sounds when itcomes out of Damian’s mouth. He makes it sound like it’s something to be ashamed of, and while Mikey isn’t out and doesn’t know whether he ever really will be, he’s not ashamed of who he is.
“I don’t think that’s going to happen,” he says, but he doesn’t sound as sure as he’d like.
Damian’s words have put a nasty little worm of doubt in the back of his mind, and as he thinks about it more, he wonders…is it possible it might actually be true? He knows the press is always looking for a scandal, and if they find out he’s not straight…well, Damian’s right about one thing. It would certainly be the end of his career as he’s known it.
It makes Mikey sick to think like this, but it’s one of the most painful lessons he’s learned about show business. You always have to be on your guard. Sometimes, it’s betray or be betrayed.
A dark thought occurs to him, and now it’s his turn to narrow his eyes at Damian.
“What are you thinking about doing?” he asks. He knows Damian well enough to know he’ll do whatever he thinks is in Mikey’s best interest. Mostly because doing so is usually in his best interests, too.
“Just trust me. I’ll take care of everything,” Damian says airily, waving the wine glass again and spilling even more wine on the carpet. Mikey can’t wait to see how much it’s going to cost to have it cleaned.
“I do worry about it, that’s the problem,” he says, trying to think through the heavy wine fog. “I know you, Damian. You’re always doing something you probably shouldn’t, even when I tell you not to. I wish you’d actually listen to me sometimes.” He’s aware he’s slurring his words quite badly, and he knows he’s probably not making as good of a point as he wants to, but he can’t seem to get his tongue to behave or get his mouth to move like it should.
Damian, however, is looking more sober now, and it occurs to Mikey maybe he was always putting him on. Maybe he’s just been pretending to be drunker than he is just to lure Mikey into a false sense of security.
I’ve really got to get rid of him,he thinks, even as he knows it’s not going to happen. Whatever Damian’s many other flaws, something about his intensity and his borderline-obsession with Mikey brings out the best in his art. When Damian is around, he hits all of the right notes and manages to write the best lyrics. Some in the industry wonder whether Mikey would be where he is if it weren’t for Damian’s influence.
He’s also very good at making sure only positive stories about Mikey get put in the press. As he just reminded Mikey, he’s the reason his pansexuality has remained a secret.
I wish Luke was here,Mikey thinks.But I screwed it up.
By now he’s well on the way to maudlin, and he hates it when he gets to that stage of drunkenness. It all just makes him mad at Damian all over again for encouraging him to drink rather than to abstain.
