“This is a mistake,” Damian insists. “I don’t know why we’re here.”
“Because I want to be,” Mikey says. “Now hush. I want to watch.”
They’re at one of Luke’s concerts, but they’ve both taken care to be as incognito as it’s possible to be at a country music venue: they’re both wearing flannel, blue jeans, and baseball caps. Mikey feels like he’s someone else, which is the point. The last thing he wants is for someone to recognize Mikey Smiles at a Luke Carter concert.
He’s still not sure how Damian managed to get them in here without a whole train of paparazzi behind them, but for once he’s not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.
Damian sighs and shifts his cap again.
“God,” he says. “I can’t believe I’m here in this outfit. If you tell anyone, I will never forgive you.”
Mikey almost smiles at Damian. They’re rarely so playful with each other, and it’s honestly kind of refreshing. Just then, however, the crowd erupts into cheers, and Luke struts onto the stage.
Even from their nosebleed seats there’s no denying his charisma. Mikey’s heart starts beating faster and faster, and he grips the armrests of his seat so hard he’s pretty sure he’s leaving marks.
“Are you sure you’re up for this?” Damian asks, and Mikey swears he actually hears concern in his voice.
Instead of answering he just waves his hand at Damian, who sits back with a very sour look on his face. He’s too fixated on what Luke’s doing up there on the stage.
I was such an idiot,he thinks.I should never have given him up.
Luke looks great, wearing a plain white T-shirt, tight jeans, and cowboy boots. He struts with a good ole boy swagger, but there’s also the faintest hint of sensitivity to him, too. He’s both the boy Mikey fell in love with when they were teens and yet something richer, deeper, and more mature.
And when he sings? Well, if Mikey had any doubts about his feelings, they’d be gone.
Luke’s full-bodied baritone has matured along with the rest of him, and it’s easy to see why everyone compares him to such country greats as Don Williams and Josh Turner. What’s more, he has great stage presence, and he has the audience–including Mikey–eating out of his hand.
He also lookshappy, and it’s his smile, more than anything else, that makes Mikey realize he needs to get out of there.
“Come on,” he says tersely to Damian. “Let’s get out of here.”
“Thank God,” Damian says, contempt clear in his voice.
All the way back to their hotel Mikey sulks silently, but once they’re back in the room Damian pours them both a healthy glass of wine and sits him down.
“Okay,” he says. “Spill it, and I don’t mean the wine.”
Mikey toys with the idea of pretending he doesn’t know what Damian is talking about, but then he realizes how good itwould feel to finally be open about the weight he’s been carrying around lately.
“It’s like this,” he says after taking a healthy slurp of the wine. “So…Luke and I dated when we were teens. We were head over heels in love. I knew even then I was pan, and he knew he was gay, though no one else ever has. It was…well, it was the best love I’ve ever had, Damian, and I’m not just saying that because we were teens and you feel everything stronger then. I haven’t stopped thinking about him, especially lately.”
He leans back, the wine making everything warm and fuzzy. He’d told Damian a long time ago he was pan–he had to, in order to make sure Damian kept anyone else from finding out, and he’d also told Tricia, for similar reasons–but he’s never been this forthcoming with him before.
“Sometimes I even dream about him,” he says softly. “I dream about just leaving all of this behind and just taking up a life with him. I don’t know if he’d take me back, but I’d give it all up for him in a heartbeat. We could just go back to West Virginia and forget about the world…”
His voice tapers off as he takes several more deep gulps of his wine.
“What do you think, Damian?” he asks. “Isn’t it a great idea?”
Damian does say anything at first, and Mikey looks at him through blurred eyes.
“Well?” he demands.
“I honestly don’t know what you ever saw in someone like him,” Damian says and takes a healthy sip of his own wine. “I mean, seriously, the guy has the manners of a barbarian. Oh sure, he’s handsome enough, but seriously, Michael, you could and can do so much better.”
For the life of him, Mikey has no idea why he ever thought confiding in Damian was a good idea, but every word outof Damian’s mouth makes him realize he’s made a dreadful mistake.
“I mean, listen, Mikey. You’ve got to cut loose all of the parts of your past you keep carrying around with you. It’s just not worth it, you know? You want to be a success, and you are, but you can’t move forward into the future if you insist on holding onto the things bringing you down. And, though you may not like to hear it, Luke Carter is one of those things.”
