“So I get to write one song that’s ‘all the country stuff I used to like,’ and you get to set the rest of the agenda, huh? Sounds about right.” He snorted rudely. “Balance.Doesn’t sound like much balance to me. This is just like I figured. You haven’t changed a bit. This,” he gestured at the two of them, “this whole conversation was just more Mikey Smiles bullshit.” He leaned forward again. “Look. I get you wanna do things your own way, and I get you wanna make a splash so this whole thing is worth it for you. But this ismyhometown. I’m the one who’s been here my whole life, and I didn’t run off the first chance I got. So yeah. I think of the two of us I probably have a better idea of what this community wants and needs.”
Mikey wanted to argue with him, but he was just too tired.
“You know what? Maybe the concert was a mistake. Maybe I should’ve just stayed in California, since I’m clearly not wanted here.”
“Yeah, maybe you should’ve. Because yeah, Mikey Smiles. You’renotwanted here.”
Mikey had had enough. He took out a couple of twenties and threw them on the table, even though he knew doing so would make Luke feel like he couldn’t pay for his own meal.
Good. Let him be offended, since he’s so good at it, anyway,he thought, and then got to his feet.
“Look, if you’re just going to be an asshole about this, fine. I’ll call Brenda and let her know the whole concert idea is off. You can explain to her why, though. I hope you’re happy with yourself.”
And before Luke could say or do anything other than look quite stupefied–which Mikey found very satisfying–he stormed out of Bob’s Lunch.
Good job,he thought as soon as he was outside.You really fucked up.
As he walked back to the hotel, he couldn’t help but think of a decade ago, when things seemed so much simpler.
Or was I just more naive?
The fact he didn’t know how to answer the question was just one more frustrating thing on top of a pile of frustrating things.
What am I going to do?He wondered.
There was no answer to that, either.
CHAPTER 8
MIKEY—2005
“Mikey Smiles,” Brenda calls, “come on up here. Let’s see what you can do.”
They’re in one of Brenda’s classes and, though Mikey adores her, he’s also a little terrified of her, too. Though she is often encouraging, she can also be a hardass. She has very high expectations, and she expects everyone to meet them.
Mikey looks to Luke, who gives him a smile–the one only the two of them share–and a thumbs up. It gives him the strength to get up there and show what he’s made of.
You can do it, Mikey. You don’t have to be afraid of your own voice anymore.
Truth be told, Mikey has always had a bit of an ambivalent relationship to his own voice. He’s a natural tenor–and a high one–and while he knows a voice like his can take him far, in the places Mike’s lived it’s been something other boys have picked on him for, at least outside the music room. It’s only here, at NACA, he thinks he’s likely to get the praise he probably deserves.
Even so, it’s terrifying getting up there in front of everyone. What if Luke hates his voice? What if everyone laughs at him?
You’re just gonna have to take a risk.
He stands at the front of the class and looks out at them and, as Miss Brenda and Luke and all the rest of them look back at him, he takes a deep breath.
Standing there, he decides on a whim to sing one of his favorite songs: Queen’s “Somebody to Love.” It’s an ambitious choice, but he feels good about it. With Luke sitting out there in the audience, he can do anything.
As soon as he opens his mouth, Mikey goes into the zone. He’s only ever been in it a few times, and he knows it when he feels it, knows he’s going to hit all those high notes just the right way. He’s barely aware of what he’s supposed to be singing; he just lets the music take him where it wants to. Every so often, though, he sees Luke, and the look of amazement on his face gives him the confidence to keep going, way past the point where his breath usually gives out.
It’sgoodto be hitting all of the right notes, his voice gliding along, managing to do exactly what he wants it to do. He closes his eyes, but he’s still aware of Luke’s gaze.
When he finishes he’s left feeling a little wrung out, but he’s grinning like an idiot.
At first there’s nothing but silence. Then, slowly, Luke starts to clap, and then the rest of the class follows suit, until they’re all doing it. It’s the most exhilarating thing Mikey’s ever experienced and, as he looks again at Luke, he thinks life is pretty damn near perfect.
He meetsup with Luke after class, and he’s absolutely beaming.
