“It is not that,” he said quickly. “I want to be clear about that. You are an astonishingly beautiful woman and you are clearly talented. You are far more of a prize than I am. I think that I would feel guilty being married to you.”
“Why?”
He lifted his big shoulders. “I suppose I explained it best earlier,” he said. “You deserve a prince or an earl or a courtier.Not a warlord. Christ, how could I even protect you? Even as I sit here, I think about all of the things that could happen with raiding Scots or battles or the usual danger of the borders, and there you would be, bottled up in my castle as I tried to keep you safe from harm. I would be terrified every moment that someone was going to hurt you. Or that you would be in danger somehow. And I am not used to worrying about someone close to me.”
By this time, she was looking at him with big eyes because what he’d said didn’t sound like a man reluctant to marry. It sounded like the words of a protective husband already.
“That… that was quite a speech,” she said. “I’ve never had anyone I did not know worry for me so much. Are you truly afraid for me?”
He was unable to look at her. “I was thinking aloud,” he said. “Other than my mother and grandmother and female relatives, I’ve never really had a woman I had to worry about.”
“You’ve never courted anyone?”
He shook his head firmly. “You said something to me earlier that has stuck with me,” he said. “You said you had been faithful to the betrothal. Faithful to me. I may be a mere warlord who knows nothing but battle, but the truth is that I do know contracts. I have been faithful to our contract, mainly because I did not wish to shame my family. Honor means a great deal to me. And you have been honorable to our betrothal, also. Please know that I respect you for that. I am grateful.”
Mattie was watching his lowered head. The man seemed to grow more handsome with each passing second because, honestly, she couldn’t seem to take her eyes from him. The way he was speaking showed that he had some vulnerability and she found that endearing. In fact, the entire conversation had been endearing, perhaps enough that she might even forgive him for offending her earlier. She dreaded baring her soul to the man,but it seemed to her that this moment called for it. He was being honest with her.
It was time for her to do the same.
“Then I am glad, if only for honor’s sake, that you have been true to the contract,” she said. “My lord, if we are being perfectly honest, if you do not want me, I do not know what I shall do. I am rather old to be on the marriage market and if others know that a betrothal was broken between us, they will believe there is something wrong with me.”
He frowned. “I do not think so,” he said. “I—”
She cut him off, though not harshly. “Aye, they will,” she said. “Trust that I know more about this than you do. I have fostered in noble households my entire life and I understand the way the world of the nobility works. There will never be any question cast on you, but for me, there will be much. A broken betrothal with the House of de Wolfe means my prospects will be quite limited. If de Wolfe didn’t want me, then who will?”
He looked at her.Reallylooked at her. He could absolutely understand what she was saying because he’d seen that sort of thing before. He might not have cared about marriage or politics, but he didn’t live under a rock. He knew how cruel and judgmental the nobility could be.
“I see,” he said after a moment. “We cannot have that.”
“Nay, we cannot.”
“What do you suggest we do?”
She shrugged. “I think we should go forth with the marriage.”
“Do you?”
“I do.”
“And you will have me?”
“If you will have me, I will have you.”
He snorted, flashing a grin. “I would agree to that,” he said. “But we sound like a pair of indecisive idiots.”
Mattie started laughing. “We are pathetic.”
“We are.”
She pointed at his patchwork pants. “You even look pathetic,” she said. “May I commission a better pair for you? So men will not think I allow my husband to dress like the court jester?”
He was smiling broadly. “I like these,” he insisted. “They are comfortable and you made them for me. I will not surrender them no matter how much you beg.”
She shook her head. “But they really weren’t meant for you to wear continuously,” she said. “Only until you could retrieve a better pair from your baggage.”
He stood up, admiring the patchwork stitching. “I do not have a better pair,” he said. “You should know that things like clothing mean very little to me. If it is durable, I wear it. I will wear it until the seams break and the seat wears out. Ask my mother.”
She stood up beside him, looking at the pants with a critical eye. “Terrible,” she said. “I will have to commission other breeches for you, then.”
