“I’m good.” I gave him a smile, allowing myself a single second to breathe through this before I had the cameras on me full blast again, still blocked by Van’s stature. “I’m alright, I promise. I’ll do the costume change like planned and come back out for the acoustic set.”
Van gave a single nod, in complete security mode. Probably because he was going to have to reconvene with the venue’s security after he left the stage to deal with the fan. “I’ll let them know. Go hit your cue for the lift and if you want to address the crowd prior to the acoustic set, you can do it then.”
I nodded again, grateful that, even though he was my security guard, he knew the show well enough to know that I had a portion of talking to the crowd before I performed the acoustic set anyway. “Thanks, Van.”
He smiled, but it wasn’t the smile he gave me behind closed doors. This was the professional smile, the safe smile. The one that said we weren’t sleeping together. He was one hundredpercent in work mode right now and, despite the fear coursing through my veins from the fan storming the stage, it was kind of hot to see Van in full protective mode. Even if it was warranted because he was my bodyguard.
Van left the stage, leaving the crowd to me. I plastered on a smile, trying to play off the way someone had just stormed the stage. The crowd reacted by giving me a loud ass applause to play me off. I bowed for them and managed to carry myself over to the lift. I gave them a grateful wave and blew them a kiss as the lift sent me down and I didn’t let the smile leave me until I knew I was safe underneath the stage.
Holy fuck, that could have been so much worse. I’d never experienced something like that before. Sure, I’d had some interesting fan encounters, enough that Priyanka had determined that I needed a bodyguard for my own safety, but nothing like what had just occurred.
As much as it scared me that it had happened in the first place, I was grateful at how quickly it had been addressed. Not just with Van’s tenacity to protect me, but with the other security team’s response to get the fan the fuck out of there. Don’t get me wrong, it was terrifying, but I also felt absolutely protected in a way I hadn’t had before.
Of course this would happen during a song that spoke on how unsafe I’d once felt, mirroring the situation perfectly. This was going to be interesting, going back on stage.
But like Van, I too was a professional. I managed to do my costume change, swiftly altering my look to wear an outfit that I’d had custom made by one of my favorite designers. This outfit was essentially a suit that looked like it was made out of repurposed rags, only these rags were covered in a multitude of rhinestones. I’d had the vision for this look ever since releasing my songRagsand I needed it executed perfectly in order to honor it appropriately on tour. Luckily, the designer had fuckingnailed it, making the rags look purposeful and tailored enough that it looked more suit than rags. It was effective, and I was so grateful to put it on every night.
By the time I was back on the lift, I was already feeling lighter, even despite the heavier outfit. The fans were roaring with applause and chanting my name, which was new, as I appeared on stage, holding a white colored acoustic guitar (and, yes, it was also fully rhinestoned) that was strapped around me. So far, the crowd hadn’t chanted for me, but given what had happened earlier, I took it as a not so silent gift from them. It proceeded the entire time that I walked down the stage to meet the little acoustic set up we had. There was a silver piano off to the right with a mic bolted at the perfect angle for when I would use it here in a second. On the opposite side was a mic stand that I could stand in front of while playing guitar like I was about to.
Naturally, the crowd started to calm their cheers once I stopped walking and stood in front of the mic stand to the right of the stage and started strumming some random chords on the guitar so that I could speak to the crowd.
“Well, that was quite the event, wasn’t it?” I tried to play off what had happened like it wasn’t serious, and the crowd didn’t know how to respond. I kept talking to keep them from panicking. “I appreciate you guys being excited to be here, excited to see me, but it really scares me when something like that happens.” I said with genuine earnest, locking eyes with the closest people in the crowd before addressing them en masse again. I was at the very edge of the stage for this acoustic setup, the most intimate part of the show. “We plan this show months in advance, down to every detail, not just for my safety, but for yours. So if we could always keep that in mind, we can enjoy the reason for us being here together. And that’s the music.”
Applause filled the stadium, and the fans started to chant my name again, once again telling me that they were listening anddidn’t want to ruin the night. I started strumming with intention then, changing the chords to the song I was planning on singing in just a few moments.
“This is the part of the show where we strip everything back and I play one song on guitar and one song on piano for you guys. As I’m sure you’ve figured out, the guitar song is always a surprise for every show, the only song on the entire setlist that isn’t repeated. And I’m sure you’ve also figured out that I play a song from a certain artist for the guitar song, and tonight’s no different. What is different, is the song I’m choosing tonight and why. This song isn’t just one of my favorites, but most of the song explains how I’m feeling right now, in this moment of my life, so I hope you guys sing along.”
I positioned my fingers to start the song, excited by the anticipation pouring out of the crowd. My tradition during the acoustic set was to do exactly what I’d told the fans, one song on piano and one song on guitar. While the piano song always remained the same, a mashup of my songsRagsandRichesfrom my first album, the guitar song was always one by Taylor Swift, one of my most influential musical inspirations. She was by far my favorite artist, so I’d decided to carve out a section of the tour where I got to sing a song by my favorite artist.
A smirk set on my mouth as I plucked the last chord before I was set to sing, I glared at the crowd, prolonging the playing so that I could speak the first line before strumming. I wanted the crowd to try and pick up what song it was as I sang.
So when I started the first line ofGlitch, the audience went fucking bananas, even as I started strumming along to the appropriate chords. Singing along to this song was very therapeutic, and was a grateful distraction from not thinking about what had just happened moments ago on this very stage.
Of course, while singing Taylor’s amazing lyrics, I was singing about Van. How could I not? Our tryst in the hotel hoursbefore this show was stuck on my brain like super glue. It’d been so transformative of an experience, at least for me, and I was bursting at the seams to talk about it. But I knew I couldn’t mention that Van and I were sleeping together for multiple reasons.
That didn’t mean I couldn’t use music to my advantage though. What I could do was sing about how I felt, even if it wasn’t my words I was using to explain how I was feeling. I’d chosenGlitchbecause most of the lyrics detailed how I felt about Van. I hadn’t seen him coming, not by a long shot. He was a surprise I was delighted to keep having, over and over again.
The fans were shouting the lyrics back to me as I headed toward the end of the song, grateful that they knew it enough to sing it back to me. It wasn’t until I strummed the final chord and finished the last lyric that I felt accomplished in detailing this little secret that no one could understand that I’d just relayed. It was just for me to know. A little something that I’d given myself despite the stressful time that I knew was waiting for me backstage when the show was finished.
Applause rang loudly around me again as I bowed for them, smiling ear to ear as I allowed myself a moment to soak in their cheering. I had seven more songs left in the show, and I planned on going all out to distract the crowd from the earlier mishap.
Just for a few more fleeting moments, I could soak this in. This life I’d been lucky enough to have. Just like I was lucky enough to savor those moments off stage with Van.
I’d cherish moments like this forever, and I wanted it to never, ever stop.
Chapter 23
Thankfully,I didn’t encounter any other concerning fan interactions after that first night in Pittsburgh. The second night had gone by without a hitch, and I was glad to have it squarely in the past. The security had let the fan off with a warning, and he’d apparently been apologizing profusely to both the security team and to Van, pleading with them to relay the message to me. I accepted the apology, I just didn’t want to ever experience that kind of fear again during the tour.
Life became pretty routine for me. I would play the shows during the evening, spend my days either writing new music, doing radio interviews, or getting railed by Van. My nights were reserved for me, decompressing after the show by watching TV in the hotel with Fawcett and Thiessen.
After Pittsburgh, we’d played Columbus and Louisville and then back to Pennsylvania to play in Philly. After that I’d gone to New Jersey to play two nights in East Rutherford, and then straight to Massachusetts to play three nights in Foxborough. It’d been almost three weeks since that wild experience with the fan coming up on stage, and every show had flown by without a single disturbance since.
The next show was tomorrow night in Charlotte, meaning I would finally be back in North Carolina to play three nights in the place closest to my hometown.
Now that so much time had passed since the whole phone call with my mother, I was glad to be back in Phoebe. We’d arrived here late last night, right after the show because I was eager to spend my one day off here in town. I’d practically had to beg Xoah to fly at night instead of in the morning so I’d be able to spend as much time in Phoebe as possible. He’d been bribed when I said I’d take us all out for breakfast after we got some sleep.
After breakfast with Xoah, Priyanka, Blue, and Van, I made a pitstop over at Kit’s parent’s house and was able to catch up with him. He’d also had good news for me. I’d gotten a call from him after the Louisville show that the owner of my mother’s trailer had agreed to my cash offer, so I’d made a swift investment of acquiring the trailer. Kit had helped me by hauling the trailer to a junkyard and FaceTiming me so that I could watch it be destroyed. 177 Spider Way was officially gone and out of my life. The landlord could acquire another trailer and put it there, giving birth to a new place with the same address. Butmy177 Spider Way was dead and gone.
