Which was a dangerous thing for me to think. I couldn’t rely on Van to be my fuel source for the shows. And I had no intention of letting it become a habit, but I was definitely riding the wave of adrenaline from our sex to make tonight the best show I’d done yet.
I honestly think I was giving my best show. The crowd in Pittsburgh was responding like they agreed with me, cheering extra hard for me, at least from my perspective. I wasn’t just running on cloud nine, this had to be at least cloud thirteen.
I felt like I was even singing better, even though I knew that was most likely psychosomatic at best. Maybe my brain was just so full of oxytocin that I was perceiving myself to be better than I was, but I didn’t care. I felt too good to get too caught up in it. I just kept singing, kept dancing, and doing what I did best. The crowd was fueling me to new heights, and I was determined to ride it until the wheels came off.
Okay, Alistair, don’t allude to riding. You already did that. Yeah, I didn’t need to be thinking about Van right now. The last thing I needed was to start sporting a boner with this many cameras on me.
Refocusing my efforts, I started singing the bridge ofTwo Can Play That Gamewith renewed gusto.
Are you surprised that I found my bark
I left it at that bench in the park
Sorry not sorry for the rude interruption
I’ll make a new mess out of my crude eruption
I won’t be a dog and be told to stay
Because this bitch still has a lot to say
The crowd erupted, chanting the lyrics back to me. I loved that the dog / bitch line had sort of gone viral online and I knew it was a crowd pleaser. It made me happy that people connected so much to my music, especially this song, because it was from my first album. A lot of my first album reflected my life prior to recording music and living in Nashville, aka the trauma of growing up. So it made me feel seen by my fans that they had clung to one of my most autobiographical songs.
I went into the final chorus just as the crowd roared around me, making me smile as I held the microphone up and prepared to sing. I could sort of see a commotion happening near the stage, but I just figured people were excited for me to bring the song home, so I just grinned and started singing.
If you want to pretend that I don’t exist
If you want to make that knife really twist
If you wanna know the life that you missed
Two can play that game
If you don’t even want me around
If you don’t even care if I drown
If you don’t even like me in this town
Two can play that game
I was about to go right into the outro of the song, but there was a loud ruckus pulling attention from the moment. Before I could even get a word out for the outro, or even truly realize what was going on, a fan managed to storm the stage. He was a haze of movement to my left, standing several feet away from me. He didn’t appear crazed or anything, just really excited. I heard the sound cue from my inner ear going off, to keep singing the outro, but I hadn’t even had the chance to start. I wasn’t going to get the chance to either.
Because the fan looked like he was going to tackle me with affection. It was scary to think that, here I was, open and vulnerable like this. If it hadn’t been this part of the song, I wouldn’t be alone on stage. But it was part of the impact of the song to have the dancers leave after the second chorus.
I was alone and scared of what was going to happen next if I didn’t react.
Luckily, I didn’t need to react much. Van was a blur as he moved by me and screamed something at the fan that I somehow missed, despite him being so close to me. I hadn’t even seen where the hell Van had come from, only that he must have been watching intently to have gotten all the way down stage so fast.
Then the stage was swarmed with the security team that came with the venue and I didn’t even seen the fan through the wide builds of them all. One second there was a massive heap of black security outfits and then the next they were moving like one entity and the only thing left on the stage was me and Van, the crowd booing the fan as he got escorted off stage.
Amidst the other fans’ reaction, Van came sauntering over to me with an evil glare in his eyes that I knew was meant for the fan that had just breached my safety. His broad frame was blocking the cameras from catching me on stage, something that I was instantly grateful for. I held the microphone away, letting it fall with my hand by my side so our conversation couldn’t be picked up.
“Are you okay?”
I couldn’t speak, too stunned by the events and how fast they had transpired. Managing to nod, Van grabbed me by the shoulders and really looked at me. “Are you sure? We can stop the show.”
I shook my head no. I didn’t want to stop the show. I refused to let one fan ruin the entire experience for everyone else. Besides, this song usually ended with an outfit change anyway. I think the crowd could survive without me doing the outro.
