“How did you sleep?” He asked, plunging his arm down into the bag from the fast food place he’d obviously attended and placing the contents on the sheets in front of him.
There were a multitude of differing biscuits, fries, hashbrowns, and even a couple varieties of breakfast burritos laid out in front of him, giving me choice paralysis on what I could have.
As I plucked one of the breakfast burritos, thinking it was safer than the biscuits for some reason, I started unraveling the wrapper as I said, “Pretty well, you?”
Van unfurled one of the biscuits and leaned over his lap so he didn’t spill any crumbs on his suit as he took a bite.
“Soundly.” He managed to say after chewing his food.
For a few minutes, we sat there in comfortable silence, allowing each other to refuel with the food he’d acquired. We didn’t start talking again until after I’d finished the second burrito and washed it down with the remainder of my coffee.
“So.” He sounded so finite, and the word came out very straightforward. I knew how the rest of this conversation was going to go before he started talking again. “We should…probably talk about last night.”
I sighed, nodding, even though I really didn’t want to. In some ways, I wanted last night to exist between us without us having to discuss it to death. Or at all, preferably. That wasn’t possible, though. Not with me being his boss and him being my security guard. We’d crossed the line, and now we had to deal with those consequences.
“Yeah, I suppose we should.” I said. “But do you mind if we have this conversation withbothof us clothed?” I made a general gesture toward where I knew my clothes were still mulling about the floor.
“Oh, yeah, sorry.” I actually saw Van blush as he lifted himself off the bed, gathered my clothes in one quick swipe, and handed the now balled up articles of clothing to me. “I can leave the room while you get dressed.”
“No need.” I appreciated his attempt at keeping my modesty, but that had all but gone out the window with last night’s loud romp in the sheets. “It’s not like you haven’t seen it all.”
Van blushed again as I hopped out of bed and slithered my clothes from the day before across my frame. He kept lookingaway when I would look up from dressing and catch him eyeing me up and down, which only made me smile. I liked that Van seemed incapable of looking away from my naked body. It made me feel like last night wasn’t a mistake, even if we were about to declare as such in just a few short sentences.
Fully clothed, I sauntered over to the dresser for a brief moment to grab my second coffee and take a quick sip before I returned to the bed and sat next to Van. Gone was his blush for staring at my abashed form for too long, and the seriousness from the topic of conversation had returned and taken its place. I’d much prefer the uninhibited Van to the straitlaced, business Van any time of day.
“So, last night.” I prompted because honestly, I just wanted to get this over with. I knew that we needed to discuss this, about whether we were going to fortify our boundaries with one another or if Van was going to quit, but I didn’t like having these types of conversations.
Especially when I thought about Van quitting. He’d so recently come into my life and made what I felt like was a difference in it, that the idea of him ambling out of my life, never to be seen again, hurt my heart. I could hear my therapist’s voice in my head, asking me why I thought it was that it was such an upsetting ideal. I just buried that pesky little voice beneath the surface of my forethought.
Giving Van my undivided attention, I waited until he folded his hands over his lap and gave me his own sigh, telling me that he was just as uncomfortable with this discussion as I was.
“Firstly, I just want to say that I don’t regret anything about last night.” Van began, shifting on the bed so that his body was facing me. I gave him the same courtesy. “At least, nothing that happened between us. I might regret those last few tequila sodas.”
That made me chuckle, which caused a ripple of pain to claw its way over my forehead. I was definitely going to need that bottle of ibuprofen before this talk was finished.
“Yeah, my head is killing me.” I said, grabbing it for good measure.
I hadn’t even noticed he’d put back the bottle of painkillers in his suit again, but he produced the bottle from the same place that it’d been previously and handed it over to me. I unscrewed the top without delay and grabbed two pills out. Tossing them back, I washed them down with the deliciousness of my coffee.
His hand unraveled from his lap and found the free one that wasn’t holding onto the plastic of his coffee cup like the lifeline it was. Squeezing it lightly, I looked into his eyes and found that undeniable kindness that he always held.
“Last night was amazing.” He reiterated, squeezing my hand again after delivering his words. “It was incredible. You were incredible. And I know that complicates things because you’re my boss and I have a very important job, but I don’t regret it. And I’m not planning on leaving because it happened.”
Sounds of relief filled my head, trying to quiet the headache already occupying it while the pills made haste with their work to eliminate it. That solved one issue. Van wasn’t going anywhere. A small smile widened my lips, but I must have taken too long to respond. Because the next thing I knew, I was watching doubt cloud Van’s beautiful eyes.
“Not unless you want me to leave, that is.”
“Oh god, no.” I sat my coffee down on the bedside table so that I could clasp both of my hands over his. “Van, I don’t regret last night either. And I agree with you, that it was incredible and that it complicates things. But I don’t want you to go. I was more worried that you would want to go.”
“Not a chance.” He shook his head.
“So we agree.” I beamed, but my face twisted with the darkness of the unknown. “Then…where does that leave us moving forward?”
Van repeated the action of shaking his head, not able to grasp at the words he wanted just yet. I couldn’t blame him. I’d never done anything like this before, crossing the line with a co-worker. And I’d definitely never had a security guard before him, so this was all completely new territory for me. All I knew was that last night was one of the greatest sexual highlights of my life and that I didn’t want Van to stop working for me because of it.
Brow furrowing, Van tried to reset his features by closing his eyes, taking a beat and a breath, and opening them again until we were back staring at each other. “Well, first, I feel like there’s something important that I should tell you.”
He opened his mouth to get on with the matter he was so anxious to tell me when I heard the distinct ringing of my phone. The problem was, it didn’t sound as close as it should have.
