I’d just had one of the most incredible experiences in my life and I think people deserved to hear about it. Although, keeping some things, like Van, to myself didn’t sound like the worst idea in the world.
Laughter subsiding, we stared at each other again and I felt Van’s hand trickle through the mess that had become my long blond hair during our excursion. He started to comb though my strands, ending his trek by caressing my jaw.
“You’re incredible, Alistair Finn.”
The earnest declaration from him rocked me, from the inside out. How was I supposed to respond to such words? Especially when they were coming from him, knowing that he meant every intention behind the delivery? It was overwhelming, and there was a stir in the very pit of my stomach that I chose to ignore, and did the only thing I could think of.
I placed my hand on the back of his neck and guided him into another kiss, needing to show him rather than tell him how incredible I thought he was. During our kiss, I realized two very important things:
Van could fuck like a goddamn Olympian and I was absolutely fucked from thinking I could easily move beyond my crush on him.
Chapter 16
I wokeup in the bed alone.
Last night came back to me in flashes of joy and satisfaction, but after opening my eyes and seeing my hands spread out over the empty sheets before me, my heart sank as an intense headache started to pummel my mind.
Had Van left in the middle of the night? Maybe our secret tryst hadn’t gone as well as I’d originally thought. The idea of him sneaking out of my room in the middle of the night and finding refuge in his room made my heart tremble with sadness. Had it not been good for him?
My heart started to race in my chest, reminding me of all those times I was left alone as a child. I closed my eyes, doing my best to regulate my breathing, spreading my open palm across my chest and attempting to self-soothe.You’re fine. Everything’s fine.
Even if Van did leave you.
Shaking that live-wire thought from my brain, my eyes opened to the still room before me, the ceiling hovering over my field of vision.
I was a mass of second-guessing as I sat up in the king-sized bed. The bright light of the sun was shining through the blindswe’d been too preoccupied to close last night. On the floor, our clothes were still scattered and abandoned just as they had been before we’d had sex.
No, not our clothes.Myclothes. Van’s were gone. Which meant that it was super intentional that he left my room and deserted himself from the night we’d shared together.
Aside from the barrel of somberness rolling through my body right now, I felt used. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it was awesome being used by Van, but I didn’t think I’d actually been just some fling to him.
But why? Wasn’t what we’d just done the very definition of a fling? He worked for me and we’d had a one night stand. There was nothing more to it than that. There couldn’t be.
A huge pulse hit my head and my hand flung to my forehead on instinct to try and stop it or absorb the pain. I knew I was going to have to deal with the fallout of fucking Van once it was morning, but I’d seemingly forgotten that I’d have to do it with a damn hangover.
There was a faint sound of electronic clicking and the next thing I knew, the door to my room was swinging open. I hated how my heart swelled with happiness when Van came into view, wearing his suit from the day before as he cradled bags of fast food in his arms. He caught the door with his hand, making sure it didn’t catch on the wall from the force that he’d had to maneuver with the items in his arms.
Those abandonment feelings left my chest as soon as he set down the bags of food and the carrier of coffee on the dresser, his eyes taking me in. Abandonment was a popular therapy topic for me, and clearly, the next time I went, I needed to delve on that a little more because why the fuck had I been so worked up?
Van was here, bringing me breakfast, like the gentleman I knew he was. My first thought shouldn’t have been that he’d toss me away like I was nothing. I knew that, more than anything.
He wasn’t her.
“Sorry,” Van said softly, shifting the contents he’d brought in with him as his eyes found mine. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”
I smiled back, all thoughts of my previous meltdown fading away to nothingness. “You didn’t.”
He tilted his head once and then gestured toward the dresser and the spread of food on top of it. “I got you your vanilla iced coffee. Actually, I got two.” Van revealed a bottle of ibuprofen from the inner pocket of his suit. “I figured you might be feeling as awful as I am.”
“That was thoughtful,” I beamed genuinely. “Thank you.”
“Of course.”
Van brought me one of the iced coffees he’d gotten for me and brought the food that was still concealed within the provided bag to the bed, finding a seat amidst the outline of his body from where he’d slept the night before. Our hands grazed when I reached for my coffee, and we managed to lock eyes and give each other a grin.
My heart was resounding with a repetitive pitter-patter. One night with this guy and I was a fucking puddle of emotions. Not wanting to dwell on the mess he made me, or the fact that I was still completely nude underneath the sheet and comforter currently covering me, I took a sip of the vanilla iced coffee and mewled at the wonders of caffeine kickstarting my body for the day. Nothing got me going like a cup of coffee.
Well, and Van, obviously.
