Except for those awful dreams that still plagued me.
“How did you get this number?”
“Oh, come on. Is that anyway to speak to your mother?”
“You realize that you’re breaking the restraining order by calling me.” It wasn’t a question, because I knew it was. I’d been very specific with my restraining order and I knew the ins and outs of it better than I knew my song lyrics. This was a direct violation.
“I don’t care.”
She hadn’t cared about me my entire existence, so I certainly didn’t expect her to start now. The palm that held my phone was slippery from the terror sweat that was covering my body. I glanced again at Van, who looked like he was helpless and waiting for me to tell him what to do to help. But no one could help. Not unless I was able to find out where she was so the police could get her for breaking the restraining order.
“I just wanted to congratulate you on your success.” Her voice betrayed her words, sounding so smug that I could envision the snark she must be wearing. It was killing her to say these words to me. “Must be nice to have that kind of money.”
“Why did you leave Phoebe?” I needed to know. She’d already broken the order, so I might as well make it possible to gain the one answer that I needed from her. The thought hit me, and I realized I needed a second thing from her. “Where are you now?”
She scoffed, an evil curled sound that unfurled out of her mouth and took me right back to when I was a child, anticipating the next violent outburst. I had to close my eyes. Suddenly my surroundings were too much to bear and I needed the darkness that only my eyelids could bring me.
“Don’t worry about it. You can have Phoebe. Congrats again, Alistair. Hopefully they’ll see you for what you really are.”
A distinct click rang in my ear. I didn’t actually believe that she’d hung up until I lifted the phone from my ear and confirmed the blank screen of my phone for myself.
Staring into the void of my phone’s screen, I couldn’t focus on anything. My breathing was elevating, but I couldn’t stop it. I felt my surroundings draining from my peripherals, only darkness swallowing me up as the ramifications of contact with my mother started to take its toll on me.
Why had she called me? There was no fucking way she’d just called to wish me success. She wasn’t even allowed to call me, period. The thing about Wanda Finneson was that she never did anything without intention. I’d had the bruises to prove it.
So why call me now, now that she’d left Phoebe in her rearview mirror? I didn’t trust it. More importantly, I didn’t know what to do. I felt completely frozen in the spot next to Van. At least, I thought I was still next to him. I was so immobile, I wasn’t even sure where I was anymore. All I could dwell on was my heavy, quickened breathing and blinking at the blankness of my locked phone screen.
“Alistair!” I heard my name being shouted, but I didn’t respond. I thought it was Van. He was here, right? Suddenly, I didn’t understand what had happened to me or where I was. It was like my body was completely shutting down and powering off at the most inconvenient time.
The phone was removed from my hand, the lines of my palm replacing the spot where my eyes were glued. My body felt limpand I regained a spurt of recognition as I realized that I was leaning on Van heavily while he made a call. I finally tore my eyes away from my hand and looked at his handsome face.
I knew he was talking, I could see his mouth moving as he spoke into the receiver of my phone. But I couldn’t hear anything but the high pitch ringing of trauma that my mother had left in her wake.
Wait, my phone? Why was he on my phone?
Pulling every ounce of energy to the forefront of my body, I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing. She wasn’t allowed to affect me like this anymore. I wouldn’t let her. I pictured myself on stage, in front of the thousands of people that I’d soon have before me when tour started. I imagined singing for them, all around me cheers and tears of happiness streaming down the faces of the ones who cared about me more than people I shared blood with ever would. That delivered a calmness to me. Maybe not one that everyone could understand, but a calmness all the same.
I was just starting to feel control come back to my limbs when Van hovered my phone in front of my face to get my attention. My eyes flared as I realized I was still leaning on him, one of his arms draped around my back to stabilize me. I unfurled from his grip, surprise visible in his lovely eyes as I grabbed the phone automatically.
Fear struck me as I pressed the phone to my ear. Had my mother called back to harm my psyche for a second round of trauma? Why would Van hand me the phone back if that was the case? Wasn’t he supposed to protect me? Why would he hurt me like that?
“Alistair? Are you there?”
The safety and warmth of Kit’s voice delighted my ears, filling my soul up in ways I couldn’t quite comprehend. Like a switch was flipped within my body, I felt back in control. Theview of the rehearsal hall came back to my vision in full range, Van’s concerned face blaring like a beacon in front of me.
When I found his eyes, I gave him an incredulous look. “You called Kit for me?”
Van gave me one single nod. “I figured he’d be who you’d want with you right now.” He gave me a titled look. “Are you…better?”
The fact that he hadn’t asked if I was okay made me smile just a little bit. He hadn’t known me long, but he’d definitely picked up on enough to know what I needed at any given moment.
“Thank you, Van.”
He gave me the same nod before clearing his throat. “You’re welcome. I’ll give you some privacy.”
Watching him walk away, my gut reaction was to reach for him and tell him the only place I wanted him was right next to me. I knew that wasn’t fair of me, though. Just because he was extremely good at his job and observing my behavior didn’t mean he needed to be taken advantage of by my crush on him becoming very self serving. Even if I just wanted his massive arms to be cradling me again.
“Hello? What’s going on?”
