“Things change — okay, baby? It’s nothing to worry about.”
“Can I do anything for you?”
“Just — hold me?” He shrugs hopefully, and I gather him up in my arms. That’s something I can definitely do.
Later, we’re still naked in bed, the sounds of a summer evening in Brooklyn echoing outside the window. I’m lying on my back, and Cole is draped across my chest, one leg slung possessively over my hips.
“Hey, Ezra?”
I kiss the top of his head. “Yeah?”
“Why do you do this?”
“Why do I do — what, exactly? Fall into bed with you at every possible opportunity? Because I’d die if I didn’t, probably.”
“Good to know, but I didn’t mean that,” Cole laughed. “I meant — you live in this tiny apartment and you ride that fucking awful train every day. You work your ass off, but you seem to hate what you do. And those schools all treat you like shit. So — why? Why don’t you — stop?”
I sigh, considering the question. “I ask myself the same fucking thing all the time. I guess — because I don’t know what else I would do instead? I studied to do this for so long, and I’m going to be paying loans for this degree for years, and I dunno — I didn’t think it would be like this. But academia makes you feel like you have to accept what you get, and if you don’t getwhere you want to be, you’re the one who failed.”
“You’re not the one who failed,” Cole replies darkly.
“Keep telling me that, and maybe I’ll believe it someday.”
“I will.” Cole nuzzles against my chest, and I can still hear the wheels turning in his head. “And if you ever decide you want to do something different — you know I’m gonna be here for you.”
I lift my head for a better look at him. “Really? Why?”
“Because I’m your friend, dumbass.” Cole sighs, shaking his head at me. “I lost you once and I’m not going to lose you again.”
I study him carefully, weighing his words. “Well — I guess that’s good to know.”
Twelve
Never Have I Ever
August 2025
Cole: Hey, if I pick up breakfast sandwiches, what do you want?
Me: Pork roll, egg and cheese on a kaiser roll
Cole: You can take the boy out of Jersey but you can’t take Jersey out of the boy
Me: ??
“OH MY GOD,THISIS YOUR CAR?”
I can’t help shaking my head asCole pulls up next to the curb in front of my apartment building. He’s driving a tiny red two-seater convertible with the top down, his hair tied back in a messy bun and a shit-eating grin on his face.
I trot down the stairs, my duffel bag slung over my shoulder, and he hops out of the car without opening the door. “Why are you aliteralKen doll?”
“Bitch, I’m Barbie.” He pulls me in for a tight hug, planting a kiss on my cheek, then takes my bag. “Thanks for listening to me and packing light. Do you have sunscreen on? A hat?”
I roll my eyes. “Yes, Dad.”
Cole smirks, and I know what he’s going to say before he says it. “You know, I always thought that if one of us was going to be Daddy, it would be —”
“Donotfinish that sentence.”
