“You’re welcome,” I respond, leaving him to brush his hair as I head into the bathroom and brush my teeth. When I come out, I go to the kitchen and pull out a prepared tub of food I made for Kit. While shecaneat kibble, if I leave that out, the next thing I know there will be an animal being consumed on my carpet.
Last week was a bird… feathers everywhere.
This means that I have to do food prep for her, which is far too time-consuming and definitely takes more time than just picking up the feathers of her latest victim.
So I set her bowl down and she happily eats as I slide my hand down the counter and up to the first cupboard while I think about what breakfast food is fit for a god.
Or maybe I’ll just feed him cereal.
“I will introduce you to the finest breakfast of our realm.”
“I would prefer more pizza.”
“We don’t generally eat pizza for breakfast.”
“Ludicrous. I demand pizza.”
Then he freezes and says, “Huh.We must depart this… humble home.”
And while Kit and I stare at him, off to the door he goes, wearing only the underwear he strangely borrowed. They’re so tight, it’s like they’re suctioned to his ass cheeks. Like his buns ache for freedom.
“You need more clothes. You can’t wander out like that.”
“I have perused your clothing. They are all so drab I felt like I’d be off to a funeral procession if I put any on.”
“That’s my mood for every day. Funeral.”
I find him some clothes that are large on me, yet it still looks like he’s sporting some high-water sweatpants and a crop top.
“You look ready for a flood.”
“I do not understand, but I assume that means you think I look sexy so I will approve,” he says. “Let us go.”
“I’ll meet you there.”
And then Torin grabs me and hauls me out the door after him. Kit, who’d just been watching the scene from where she was eating, runs after us.
“I need Kit!”
She slips through the closing door and leaps for me. It hurts a bit on the way up, but she makes it to my shoulder just as we start down the stairs. Her tail wraps around my neck and she settles in while licking her chops. At least one of us got to eat.
“Are you going back to your home planet?Do you feel awkward wearing my underwear?Do you think your worshipers will laugh at you when you arrive?”
“No, no, and no. I’ve never felt awkward a day in my life. Now procure us two mounts.”
“Where are we going?”
“There’s a pull… I can feel it.”
Since he doesn’t seem to knowwherewe’re going, I’m pretty sure the subway wouldn’t be the best bet, and what would I tell a Lyft driver? Just follow where this eccentric god is declaring he must go?
“I have a bike. We can rent you one. Do you have bikes in your realm?” I already know the answer to this question, but there’s some evil part of my mind that is enjoying the idea of putting the god who brushes his hair with a toothbrush on a bike.
“I can ride anything and everything.”
“Besides the subway.”
“Peasant, did you say something?”
