I place my other hand on his shoulder and level him with a friendly but serious stare. "You've got this. You're a catch. And you already knocked her up so all you gotta do now is make her fall in love with you too."
He nods as he puts his ear piece back in. I think my pep talk is sinking in but it never hurts to punctuate it with a chest clap.
Except we both wince when a muffled boom threatens the integrity of our ear drums.
Again.
"Shit, I keep forgetting about that thing. Go get her!" I reach up to clap his chest again but catch myself this time.
Instead I clap my hands loudly and give him a little shove in Laila's direction and feel like a dad sending his kid off to college or something.
I'm a really good friend.
Selfless.
Thoughtful.
I glance away from Crosby for a minute and watch E.T. fly down the slip-n-slide. A few of the other guys pelt him with water balloons as he goes. He glides to a stop, stands up, and immediately pulls out the waistband to look down the front of his swim trunks.
Felix walks over and gets us on board for a USA vs. Canada relay race. Bryson is in immediately and says something about how he wishes he had worn Jo's Team USA jersey to the party and Emmett starts asking everyone what underwear they're wearing.
Felix starts an off-key rendition of "Oh Canada" and Bryson is fist pumping to his own chant of U-S-A.
Stella joins in the fun and starts howling next to me as Emmett comes over.
"I'm not sure if the slip-in-slide will get me wet enough for this experiment." He says as he looks into the front of his shorts again.
"Well, what gets you wet?" I ask as I look around the yard while pulling the microphone pack from my pocket to get ready for my turn.
In my ear I hear Caroline go "Umm, excuse you?" loudly. I look up in time to catch her toss back her drink after mumbling something about week fourteen.
Then I hear Crosby ask. "Wait, what did I say?"
Laila looks up at Crosby and says. "You, umm, asked what gets me wet."
I roll my lips between my teeth because I think this was my fault.
"Goddamnit." Crosby mutters and I watch as he marches across the yard in my direction.
"You fart nugget." He says as he sticks a finger in my face.
"Good one," Emmett mutters.
"Listen, it was an accident." I toss my hands up in a don’t shoot post. "E.T. was talking about getting the boxers wet for the experiment and you were doing so good I didn't think you were listening to me anymore. You didn't need me."
"Well I'm definitely not going to use this anymore." He reaches into his pocket and turns off the battery pack and then rips the microphone off his chest, pulls out the ear piece, and hands them all to me.
"That was badass." I say, impressed with how he could just rip the tape off his chest like that. Like freaking Superman. My hairy chest requires a dollop of coconut oil to get adhesives off. Not that I put tape on my chest often, but still, I've learned a thing of two in my time.
"You joining Team USA for the slip-n-slide?" Emmett asks as Crosby storms away.
"Absolutely I am."
E.T. plugs what underwear we all have on into his spreadsheet and then, the slip-n-slide relay begins.
***
"I should have joined the Canada team." I grumble, sore loser as always.
