Knowing it can’t be what it was.
A pulsing heartbeat keeps me moving forward.
Towards the future I keep rewriting.
Best you’ve ever? But you walked away.
Do you regret it?
Do you want to come back?
Admit to me you wanted it?
Brown eyes fluttering closed, shutting me out.
Hands twitching, resisting.
Lips curling into the hint of a smile.
Hope in the palm of my hand…"
I pause.
Mike Kerr has blue eyes.
I slump back, my guitar falls to the bed beside me. My hands rub down my face, still clutching the pick between my fingers.
Again, Duncan has found his way into my song.
A knock sounds at the door and I sit up to see my mom wave.
I sit up and end the recording. When she sits next to me she leans forward and taps the Transcript button to have my song written out for her.
How’s the writing going?She signs.
It’s muddled.I admit.
You want to talk about it?I shrug sullenly and she chuckles quietly.C’mon.She elbows me in the side.It can’t be all that bad.
With a cleansing breath, I start to sign.I’m supposed to be writing a heartbreak album. The label is creating this entire campaign around the breakup.
My mom nods and then her eyes pinch with suspicion.But you’re not heartbroken?
I am, or, I was. I’m just not sure I want to write twelve songs about a boy who cheated on me.
When I’m finished signing I clasp my hands between my knees, leaning over my guitar. My mom rubs soothing circles along my back and I let my head fall forward.
After a few quiet moments she taps my hands and I turn to give her my attention.
You shouldn’t give that boy another thought. He lost the greatest thing that could have happened to him. You can still write a heartbreak album, but maybe you focus on the idea of heartbreak. Write songs for people who felt what you did. Write songs for being the person who leaves.
The person who leaves? What would that even feel like? But the idea is a good one and I smile as I sign back to my mom.I think I can do that.
I know you can Red.She signs my nickname and ruffles my hair that has turned more brown than the fiery red it was when I was younger.You coming down for breakfast soon?
Yeah, I’ll be down in a bit.
She pulls me into a side hug and kisses my cheek.
