Is she living in some fucking dream world?
“He’ll think I’m a lunatic!”
“Who gives a shit?! You’re keeping his ass safe, and you need to not flinch every time he comes within inches. That won’t work.”
Ok, here we go.
I like it when Kerry gets riled up. It reminds me she’s on my team.
“Do whatever you need to make it tolerable. You know what I’m saying. It doesn’t matter what Cole or anyone else thinks.”
I stare at her, not liking any part of this but knowing she’s right as usual.
“It doesn’t feel like it, but you’re gonna be ok, Ryder. Cole Matthews is safe. You don’t need to protect yourself from him.”
I let go of a breath slowly, feeling really unsure about that one. Cole is safe, and some very distant part of me feels like that’s precisely the problem.
______
I leave Kerry’s office and climb the stairs to check on Kelsey. During my morning update with Tracker, he said she’d been released from the hospital and that Hope had brought her here.
I knock on her door lightly.
“Come in.” Her voice is weak.
I open the door, and she’s curled up in a chair, staring out the window at the pool below, where Sandy and her kids are playing. One eye is black and blue and swollen shut. Her busted lip is scabbed over and looks painful. The fingerprints around her neck have faded, but the effects will last forever.
Even battered and bruised, she still looks so young.
“Hey.” I take a seat on the edge of her bed. She doesn’t look at me. “I’m glad you’re here.”
She doesn’t move, but I know she heard me despite the damage she suffered to her right ear.
I rest my arms on my knees. “You were brave to send that text. It took a lot of guts, and I’m so happy you did.”
She untucks a hand from between her legs to swipe a tear. “I was so stupid.”
“Nah. You just wanted to believe he meant what he said. Don’t punish yourself for wanting to see the good when he’s never given you a reason to. That’s a beautiful thing.”
She scoffs, wiping her nose on her sleeve. “I was weak and pathetic.”
I think about all the times I left, and Tracker came for me, even though I gave him every reason not to. He just kept showing up, fighting until I found something that gave all of the pain, shame, and brokenness purpose.
“All this anger and suffering, don’t let it fester and pull you under,” I say, and her lip quivers. “I know it hurts like hell, and you want to beat yourself up worse than he did for giving him another chance.”
Her chin drops to her chest.
“Don’t let him or anyone else take one more thing from you. Use it to fight back in any way you can.” I pause. “Fight, Kelsey. Show him and everyone else what you’re made of. There’s only one reason that you’re still sitting here, and it’s because you fought to be here.”
“I want to be brave like you.” She sniffs, wiping her nose on her sleeve as her body shakes.
I crouch down in front of her. “I’m not brave, Kelsey. I’ve just got nothing left to lose. They took it all, but you do. You have so much to give, and there’s a whole world out there that needs you to show them that you can.”
I wait to see if she’ll look at me. “Show me. Show every woman and child who sets foot in this place. Show him that he didn’t win.”
Her watery eyes finally tip up to mine. She bites the corner of her swollen lip. “I don’t know how to do that.”
I nod. “I know, but we’ll help you figure it out.” Looking at her, her fierce bravery makes me smile. “You’re not all by yourself. You can do this, and you’re going to be ok.”
