RYDER
“So, he was kneeling by your bed and gently woke you. Then what?” Kerry sits down in the chair across from me with a fresh cup of tea.
“He said to come find him if I wanted company.”
She takes a slow sip, the steam rising above her lips. “Did you?”
My head lolls to the side. “No. I took a long shower. Then I dug out the cookies Cole has jammed in the back of his freezer and watched movies into the wee hours of the morning.”
“What do you do when you’re at home and have a nightmare like that?”
“I crawl into bed with Jamie, and she talks to me until I can sleep again. If she can’t sleep, I do the same.”
Kerry wraps her hands around her mug, resting it in her lap. “Why didn’t you take Cole up on his offer? It sounds like you are becoming friends, and he would have sat with you like Jamie does.”
My body tenses. “I’m there to do a job. I’m supposed to protect him, not have him sit up with me at night because I had a bad dream.” My fingernails dig into my palms. It sounds like a lame ass excuse even to me.
She nods, knowing I’m not ready to hunt for the truth underneath all that, and I love her for it.
She redirects, momentarily letting me off the hook. “You’re going to this event where you’ll have to wear a dress, and everyperson there will be watching the two of you. How do you feel about that?” She smiles. “I’m not sure I’ve ever seen your legs, let alone wearing a fancy dress.”
I roll my eyes. “Lyla has a rack of dresses and a spray tan appointment lined up.” I cringe.
Kerry laughs. “I bet she does. This is her dream come true, getting you in one of those dresses she wears.”
I groan. “It’ll be painful.”
“Will it? What part?”
I exhale, needing it to release the tension that’s taken hold of my body since last night. It doesn’t work.
“Umm. . .all of it. The tiny, tight dress. The exposed skin.” I pick at the loose strands on my jeans. “The touching that might be necessary.”
“Has he touched you? Bumped into you? Reached for something at the same time?”
I knew she’d jump on that. She takes another sip, waiting.
“No. The first night I was there, my stitches broke open while I was working out. He tried to take a look, but I jerked away.” I pause, reliving it. “I had to grab his wrist at the game to remove him from a situation, but it was for two seconds.”
And I was in control.
One eyebrow raises slightly. “The other night, when he was in your room, he knelt by your bed and didn’t even attempt to physically comfort you.”
She pauses as if she’s waiting for me to see something I’m missing.
“Do you know how it feels if Tracker brushes up against you? Or what about TJ? If TJ grabs your arm in play, do all your defensive instincts kick in, and you react?”
The tension in my shoulders eases only slightly as I ponder her question. TJ and I mess around all the time. He punches me, swings an arm around my shoulders, we spar at the gym, and it’sok. They’re not frequent, but I don’t mind Tracker’s hugs, and that doesn’t happen with other people.
“I know when it’s them.”
She rests her mug on her leg.
Shit. Here it comes.
I’m not sure I’m ready. I inhale deep and slow, trying to prepare myself for the blast.
“Maybe you can get used to Cole’s touch so you can identify it as safe. He’s gentle and careful with you. He’s demonstrated that. I imagine his hands are the same.”
