I set the control on my open sudoku book. Half the puzzle is unfinished, and the pencil Ryder held between her teeth sits beside it. I stare at it, wondering if she’s home, safe, or if she’s busting into a hotel room and yanking kids from—
My phone buzzes, and I snatch it up. I shove out the hopeful breath, seeing it’s Nick.
“Hey, man.”
“Hey.” His low, grumbly voice is nice to hear, even if it’s not the one I want. “It was your PR rep, really?”
“Yep. She knew what she was doing. Now, I’ve got to prove that I’m not broken on Sunday. If we don’t win, or at least play like we belong there. . . ” I don’t finish. He knows.
“You all right, man?”
I run a hand over my forehead. “Everything feels like a fucking mess.” It’s the truth. “I’ve never been ready for a season to be over, but it’s been one thing after another.”
“And now my feed will be filled with elaborate break-up rumors and theories.” There’s amusement in his tone.
I haven’t even thought about what will happen now that Ryder isn’t with me everywhere I go.
My head falls against my headboard. “Yeah, probably.”
“Why does it sound like that bothers you?”
It never would have before. There was no truth to any rumors. I don’t respond.
“So, she’s not there anymore?”
I don’t know if I want to get into this. It hurts too damn bad, but I guess this is what best friends are for, and I’m tired of walking around feeling like a lonely fool.
“No, as soon as Mindy was taken in, she moved out.”
“I take it by your salty tone you didn’t want her to. Did you tell her that?”
“Yes, but it’s complicated.”
He laughs. “Hell, man, is it ever not complicated?”
One side of my mouth curls upward for the first time in days, and I decide to let it out. “I think. . .I fell for her. No, I did. Totally and completely.”
“Fuucck.”
“Yep.”
“Matthews, I’m going to say something I could never say to anyone but you.”
Nick is the absolute last person I’d ever expect to give me advice when it comes to matters of the heart. The man is closed off to everything outside of football. He doesn’t do feelings or emotions unless it involves getting pissed. He’s like a big, rocky boulder, impossible to see through or move.
“I’ve known you for a long time, and there’s a reason you’re my best friend. My only friend.” He huffs out a laugh. “If you love this girl, it means she’s something special.”
Special doesn’t even begin to describe it.
“And if she’s not there with you, it’s either because she’s an absolute dumbassorshe realizes that you’re the most stand-up guy on this planet, and that scares the shit out of her.”
My frustration awakens. “Ryder isn’t a dumbass, and I’m as screwed up as the next guy.”
“Believe me, your level of perfection is pretty damn intimidating.” His words hit a raw nerve.
“I’m not perfect.” I spit it out.
Ryder’s comments about not fitting into my life or being deserving of it charge to the surface, along with all my pent-up agitation.
