Based on everything the police confiscated from Mindy’s apartment, she definitely spent years creating a treasure trove of all things Cole. But why start threatening him now?
I tug on the neck of my T-shirt. “I don’t know. She was definitely infatuated. She’d built a shrine. Her closet was wallpapered with notes and photos from the last ten years. But. . .I keep going over and over it, and I feel like I’m missing something.” I rub my forehead where the pounding won’t cease.
Maybe she’s right. I wasn’t ready for it to be over, andthatmakes me want to ram my head into the wall.
I take some deep breaths and decide to surrender. If I don’t, I’ll walk out of here, still patting around this unfamiliar dark tunnel, trying to find my way out. I loathe it.
“I’ve never felt. . .any of these things before.” I let it trickle out delicately. “I never thought I could or, maybe, that I even wanted to.”
She sets her mug aside and leans forward in her chair.
I pinch my eyes shut tight, not ready for what she’s got coming.
“Ryder.” Her tone is so soft, and she gives me a second to prepare. “What are you afraid of?”
Every. Single. Thing.
“He cares for you. Probably more than you know. He’s been patient. Kind. Honorable. Thoughtful. He’s made you laugh and smile. He’s held your hand. Kissed you.”
I need her to stop as the fire licks up my throat.
“He askedyouto stay with him.”
When he said those words, all I wanted to do was grab onto him tightly and never let go, but I’d only be hurting him.
“He doesn’t know anything about me.” I choke it out through my constricted airway.
She eases back, giving me space. “You’ve spent a lot of time together. I suspect he knows more than you think. Maybe not the details, but he knows you, the person you are. He’s seen this, what you do. He even helped you when you needed it.”
He’s helped every time I’ve asked.
She pauses, and it’s possible all the broken pieces inside me might actually crumple to the floor.
“What would happen if you told him? What if he knew. . .everything?”
My stomach pushes into my throat, unable to handle the thought of him seeing me that way.
I ease out slow breath as something deep inside cracks wide open. “He’d see that there’s nothing good or innocent left in me. Every pure, beautiful, peaceful thing I ever had was gutted from me each time someone opened that door.”
I meet her soft, pain-soaked eyes. “He’s the most stunningly beautiful and kind person I’ve ever met.” I point to my chest, my eyes burning with tears that won’t fall. “In here. He deserves nothing but that in return.”
Kerry is quiet for a long, long time, letting it all hang there, and I want to run. I don’t want to hear whatever will come out ofher mouth because I’m afraid it might be the scariest thing she’s challenged me with yet.
“What if you let him decide what he wants and deserves?” She inspects her mug and tea bag as if that makes her question less intimidating. “You told me his life is full of people’s expectations, building him up to who they want him to be. What if he meant it when he told you he wanted to know you? What if you take his hand and pull him into the darkest place you’ve ever been and. . .you let him decide if he wants to stay there or if he’s going to run?”
I can’t look at her or face any of those questions.
She sets her tea aside and rolls closer in her chair. “Ryder.”
I swallow, and it’s so painful I’m not sure my throat won’t rip open.
“I don’t think you’re afraid of showing him. I think you might be afraid he’ll stay. That he’ll want you anyway.”
Damn her.
A tear streams down my cheek. Then another and another.
“Maybe it’s time to lay down your sword. Maybe you’ve finally found a place where you don’t have to fight so hard.” Kerry’s voice is so soft it pierces all of my tender wounds. “Maybe you’ve fought long enough, and it’s time you let someone else do a little of the fighting. . .with you and for you.”
