I move into her again, sliding my hands around her face and pressing my lips to her forehead. “I know who you are. I may not know your life story or the things you’ve faced, but I know you. I want you. Just you. Just like this. I want all of it.”
She tucks her lip between her teeth to keep it from trembling.
I inhale, thinking about what Maggie told me about Shane. He went through a lot as a kid, and she said he tried everything to push her away. That feels a hell of a lot like what Ryder is doing. If so, she’ll find out that I’ve spent years perfecting how to stand my ground.
I wait for her to look at me. “If you have to go, ok. But I’ll be right here. I’m not going anywhere, and you’ll just have to get used to that.”
I press my lips to her forehead once more, holding them there. Her body is rigid and cold.
I don’t want to, but I let her go. Her eyes linger on mine for a moment before she drags her suitcase to her room.
I lean over the counter, resting my head in my hands and gripping my hair so tight that pain surges through my scalp.
I’ve held onto football like it was my lifeline. It always has been, but now I know what it’s like to want something more. I don’t want football to be my entire life. Hell, the way it’s been going, it might not be there for as long as I imagined it would. Maybe I don’t even want it to be.
I clench my jaw tightly, wanting to scream.
I drag myself up and grab my phone, heading to my room. I told Ryder I wasn’t going anywhere, and I’m not. Whatever the future might hold, I want her in it.
She’s a fighter, but so am I. It’s about damn time I remind everyone of that.
______
ME: We need to meet. I want to know what my options are.
ROB: I’ll schedule it. I’ve got some information on your contract details. If you want out, it’ll help that the threats were coming from inside.
Chapter 39
RYDER
“Jamie bippity-boppity-booed me with this shit, and I need it to stop!” I inhale, but the oxygen doesn’t make it very far. “I’m itchy and twitchy and want to crawl out of my skin. I can no longer sleep in my own bed, and the house is too damn quiet now that Jamie is gone, even with Jos’s constant sass.” I fall back in the recliner. “I need everything to go back to the way it was.”
Kerry’s head tilts to the side slightly, her eyebrows drifting upward.
Shit.
I need her commiseration today, not her wisdom.
I groan, letting my head fall back toward the ceiling.
It’s been two days since I left Cole’s apartment and moved back to the townhouse. I’m about to go out of my ever-loving mind. The only thing I can do in all that quiet is think about him. All the damn time.
Fuuuccckk.
Kerry snorts, and I realize I said that out loud. “You know, I had a similar response this morning. It feels good to just let a “fuck” out sometimes, doesn’t it?” She grins, and my shoulders slump.
I switch back to work since that’s my only distraction. “I spent the entire morning yesterday rehashing what they found on Mindy and then the whole night trying to make sense of it all. Something isn’t adding up.”
She takes a slow sip of whatever it is in her mug. “Do you think maybe that’s because you don’twantit to?”
Ok. There she is. I knew she was about to bust my ass, and she’s pulling out the big guns.
I glare at her, and she just sits there so calmly and relaxed, sipping her tea while I want to slide out of this chair like one of those cartoon characters and melt into the floor where she can no longer see me.
When I ignore her incredibly insightful question, she lowers her weapons. She shifts us back into less threatening territory, allowing my anxiety to take a breather.
“What does your gut tell you? Do you think the PR rep, with her loads of sexy-quarterback paraphernalia and her obsessive tendencies, was the one threatening Cole?”
